A Strong Woman

[00:00:00] Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome to 12th Street. Talk back. Where

[00:00:09] transparency is our love language. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome.

[00:00:14] One and all. Is your girl Victoria Jay with her sidekick, Miss

[00:01:30] and I wanted to go ahead and do this first live stream since I have put it out there to my audience on my listening platforms over on 12th street top back

[00:01:36] dot com and on 12th street top back you can follow us on Spotify Apple Amazon I

[00:01:42] put it out there in my last episode that we were gonna be testing the waters girl dating cancer pop study I said you know what maybe get my bestie in here on some shenanigans I was listening to you that my Bible study was canceled I was innocent in this scenario you and achievement is key. Be prepared to be engaged in stimulating conversations, but I do like to get my point across and I might have the little people syndrome. I'm cool with that. But as long as what I'm saying and how I'm trying to communicate with you,

[00:06:45] black women. Sometimes we can come off a little bit to dominate and trying to get our point across. But we're harmless. We

[00:06:50] don't really mean, you know what I'm saying? We mean what we say,

[00:06:54] but we don't mean to come off as offensive.

[00:06:58] Yeah, not viciously anything like that is just you want to be

[00:07:03] able to be validated in your opinion without anyone walking that I can do. But sometimes I do feel like some of the things that I say can come off and be a turn off because I'm too strong about what I'm saying. And you

[00:08:20] know me best. You know me best. Sometimes I don't set the right examples of boundaries and it can come off as combative. And you know, we all are a work in progress. I'm a work in progress right now. And I can say that I hate saying that I'm a work in progress. I like to say that I am working on me

[00:09:40] because I feel like sometimes, you know,

[00:09:43] some of the cliches that we toss around,

[00:09:46] like I'm a a little marshmallow And he kind of looked at me like you know Seriously, you're not a little marshmallow, you know, you and I said, you know I come off as combative when I'm trying to take up to my take up for myself or voice my opinion So I have to learn to tone it down

[00:11:02] Say what I mean and be just that's going to really sincerely call me on things. That's, that to me is when you're ready to grow. It's when you, when you are okay with someone correctly, constructively correcting you. That's growth. When you understand that if someone doesn't

[00:12:24] agree with me, that doesn't mean that they don't like you. That's what you know, we have to decide what's important to us. So again, that's what was important to me. I left to I want to come back to do that's it. You know, that's true too. And then I think I struggle with that sometimes in everything that I do not just because especially if

[00:13:43] I get it started, I feel like it's just like, yo, but we get it and we have a great conversation and we understand each other. But other brothers like, yo, when you have bomb talk, like, how does that happen? Like, how

[00:15:01] do y'all even hear each other? Because you're both just talk.

[00:15:05] And you know, again, it's it's knowing someone's style. And I wasn't talking about him literally. I said, but the group of people that I have around me, that's strong and dominant that I know that love me. It may be a day where I can't handle you taking that energy from me. Like my cup is not all the way full where I have enough to pour out to you. So I have to keep the level that I have a lot of people that throw underline little comments and think that I did not catch it. I caught it. I just didn't choose to play the word game or it was just not that important to me to even let you know that I caught what you was throwing. You know what I mean?

[00:17:40] And that's why it's so important to know you, to know your

[00:17:44] energy level, to know where you're at as far as your cop isn't moment today don't mean that I won't crumble later don't mean that I'm not looking for a good crying space tonight you know things change moment by moment by moment. But I will say that I believe that God provided me stressed within myself to be myself and to be okay with that. And that's the something that will carry me over as not

[00:19:03] necessarily like dominantly stronger you know but is this and change in you, but they still want to poke to see if they get a rise out of you. And you have to be the bigger person. You have to be the bigger person at all times. And you know, you can't let them see you sweat, but at the same time, you don't have to be a pushover. You can be assertive person where this is like, you're like, oh, God, she just appears to be mean to me. I'm so far from, I'm like, yo, you know, I'm so far from that. If anything, I'm the person you want to be able to say, that is my friend, she is down with me.

[00:23:00] And I'm not to say that because it's me.

[00:23:01] I'm a really good person.

[00:23:03] I'm from him.

[00:23:05] But if you don't is the season that God had built me for all of this time. This is where it was leading up to. So now I am on this line. I did check this box involuntarily, but the box is now checked. This is where I need to be. I'm gonna rock the season the same way I've'm like oh no that'll never happen to me but now I'm like I'm looking at some of my younger counterparts and I'm like they just don't know everything that your mama said just about everything that she said even with the aches and pains that we were just

[00:25:41] talking about all that. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Well, we talked about earlier about setting boundaries

[00:27:01] and what that looks like for each one of us,

[00:27:03] setting boundaries and relationships at work, and they're reading over every little document at the doctor's office. I'm like, just sign it already. But now you wanna read what you sign. Oh, you read. Sign of your life away. You know, I gave away a lot of stuff. What is that? Mupu Stoska, your first born child and all this other kind of stuff. You just can't be signing stuff over.

[00:28:20] You just can't do it.

[00:28:22] And that's the problem.

[00:28:23] That's the part about being strong too.

[00:28:26] And that's why I, especially in relationships as women,

[00:29:41] we just wanna talk it out.

[00:29:43] We don't hold all that junk.

[00:29:45] We talk it out, whether it be want to get. But a male a man is his role and how he was he's a fixer

[00:31:04] of things of people you know he's just a fixer so where women

[00:31:08] where we could just go I had to a little vulnerable. Where I need to seek and display my strength all the time. And I could just chill for a minute and take this armor off. And that's what, you know, that's how I kind of look at things

[00:32:21] like we have to walk around with armor so much

[00:32:25] it you have necessarily be vulnerable. You know, you know, I was just telling my sister that a week or so ago, because she was telling me that, you know, you're so strong. I've always looked at you as the strong one. And I said, that's great and that's cute.

[00:33:40] And I appreciate that.

[00:33:41] I do humbly appreciate that.

[00:33:44] But sometimes the strong don't want to always to be in a suit.

[00:34:41] I've decided I were with it. But sometimes you just want to get off the roller coaster

[00:34:44] for a minute.

[00:34:46] And unfortunately I did not feel like I had that time

[00:34:51] to get off the roller coaster.

[00:34:54] I felt like the ride was still going

[00:34:57] and it was just like, well, dear God.

[00:34:58] So that's why you have to be like honest in that

[00:35:02] and wish I would hear and walk.

[00:35:03] You know what?

[00:35:05] Do you do that?

[00:35:06] But right now I'm waiting for further explanation I know that's right, I'm telling you, you know

[00:36:22] these days

[00:36:24] Like I said before

[00:37:41] Everybody don't want to be strong all day every day or just pray about it or a girl, you're strong. Sometimes I just may wanna get that cry out. And I thank God for people like you because you said, okay, you go ahead and get that cry out. Now let's work on a plan of how we're going to deal with it. And that made me feel better. And it brings me back to doing the right thing for people.

[00:37:47] Just because you know somebody is strong back a little bit the next day. And you sent me texts or what have you, but I was in a better state of mind the next day. But I remembered everything that we talked about, how we were gonna build on fixing that situation. You was willing to weather the storm with me.

[00:39:00] And I think that's what we need in this world.

[00:39:04] That's for sure.

[00:39:06] That is for sure. that you can litter all that, that you can just leave, invest in and take a shirt and say, you need that. You need that. And unfortunately, you can't find that in everybody. And why should you? Why should you? Why should you put, right? Why should you put all your trust into that somebody that you don't really know,

[00:40:21] somebody that you're getting to know?

[00:40:24] You know, every one of us. When you put somebody in the wrong lineup, we feel like they let us tell not necessarily we just might have them in the wrong lineup.

[00:41:43] We may have expected more from them than they are capable of giving. We might have wanted more All of us need someone that we can lean on. How did that phone go? Lean on me? You know what I mean? Lean on me. But you know, that's the key to it all. You gotta, like I say, sometimes the cover is misleading, but it's a good read. But if I don't know you, that don't necessarily,

[00:43:02] you know, I'm not walking around,

[00:43:04] because I am not, I'm not walking around

[00:43:05] all the trip of the trip of the trip.

[00:43:07] But my personality, if it used to bother me and I'm not saying this to be mean But I'm saying that to be true. That's not my problem because anything that distur'm gonna be held accountable for, it's gonna be for my doing. I'm not gonna be held accounted for what you did to me, what I allowed you to do to me, or what you stuck in to do to me. Like you again, you have to guard yourself, you have to protect yourself. You cannot always have yourself so out there to be. What does, like

[00:45:42] I said, I think I want to think maybe that but that's the thing about it too. And you're right. Sometimes you do. But I used to be the accountability queen taking accountability for stuff just to appease someone else. I had to stop doing that. Being strong then you need to take accountability. Turn that mirror back on yourself, especially when you know you didn't did somebody wrong. And that's just it. And that's dissolved. Man, just stand up and put on your big girl's panties. Because sometimes you might actually learn something about your

[00:48:20] self that'll make you not go down that path anymore.

[00:48:25] As my grandmother used to say, that's how so stupid. Like it, you know, a lot of things, it do have a lot of sense. And sometimes things may have been set and it seems so simple to say. But it's truth and it matters. Like, that's where we get caught up with not taking things so literally, like it's a vigorous speech or whatever. Like, you know, think about

[00:49:43] this. Think about it. Basically, I'm saying, meaminate on before you go out trying to fix somebody else. What's going on with you? Uh huh. Uh huh. I've read that in your post yesterday. You know, before you try to fix someone else, you got to fix yourself. And that is so true.

[00:52:21] I do say, however, if there's parts that help you. You just don't know what somebody's in your life. And the person that actually called the heart of ER for me, damaged the ambulance for me, she ended up down at late. This is some years later after we met being best friends. I call it like she's, she's, she's younger than me.

[00:52:25] So I'm, we joke like make sense of our situation. Like I said, it started out. We met when I kid started school in kindergarten.

[00:53:40] Our kids are now going into the

[00:53:42] 10th grade, you know, so this is

[00:53:45] in that to me, I would say it's

[00:53:47] a short, you know, I'm I just got to keep it real. And my kids all the't want you walking all over top of me. I can't allow you to walk over top of me, especially if I feel strong and something that I'm standing for. You may not like it, but the problem with people saying you got to

[00:56:20] agree to disagree. Most of the time that don't agree on everything. I don't tell you things on my mind. You didn't tell me things on your mind. I be. But at the same token, our strength is still there. And you have to be respectful of people's thoughts. You have to be a

[00:57:41] respectable, respectful of where

[00:57:43] they're at in their life, whether

[00:57:46] you agree or disagree with their anymore. And a big misconception is when people say that they are a Christian. We put on our clothes, we put on our pants, one leg at a time, just like everybody else. We go through problems, difficulties, we got the same problems, the same issues. The only difference is we choose to live your life a open book to get your porn across That's true of it's not even so much that you're trying to shelter a hide off anything But everybody doesn't need to be privileged or privy at you know the instantly on certain things

[01:00:23] To know me you gotta slow

[01:00:27] Sometimes you know you have to know if somebody's gonna be of the mouth. I know I am. I didn't go I didn't go law. I don't because I think is transparency and sometimes I can be overly transparent and overly passionate about the things that I believe

[01:01:40] in. Shots out the chronicles of a work. to. We met because you were my client. So I was not instantly supposed to embrace you like, well, this is gonna be my new best friend. I wasn't even in a market for a new friend, let alone a best friend. You know what I'm saying? You were my client. Mm-hmm.

[01:03:01] So that's how things are supposed to work gradually.

[01:03:04] You know, you look at the longevity in it. They with this person so it is a relationship. Mm-hmm. And you got to build off that and I think In categories when we talk about compartmentalizing and putting people in different compartments I think for most of us if you're living in a realistic world

[01:04:22] You should do that with people that you meet especially if you're gonna have long-term

[01:05:28] nothing she done. It was nothing that she said. It was just her being her being stuck the same person day in and day out. And I felt like it was just being bitter all the time. I knew that

[01:05:35] was something that I did not want to be around all the time. I didn't want to grumble and moan

[01:05:41] and pout and be mad. And I got to be mad go on certain levels with you. There's certain things, girl. And when you said

[01:07:02] that, that was so true. Certain people are not meant to go for you being 15 dollars. I didn't even go. I ain't gonna walk through that door because I, you know, I know you too. Well, I ain't even getting ready to. I just can't. I just can't. So I'm going to see you next. Oh, gosh. What that being said, we've been on here rapping and rapping for about an hour.

[01:08:23] I will say this though. I mean if you meant to be in God knows you'll come back And be just a strong like you said three years later Like to pick up like it nothing ever happened Sheryl says sometimes you gotta leave with you

[01:09:45] That is real talk sometimes words that went into my final line up for rewords. We do when they react to it, you know, like a lot of week stepping back into a lot of things like Sunday travel get you know it's really it's really it's this a lot of rain. But I want it to be radical in everything I didn't I always I use that word radical a lot like you

[01:11:01] know radical like I just be mad at me. So to me that was

[01:11:06] there of course action is just me I'm I love to say that

[01:12:02] So, it's my, you don't find me saying nothing else. It's, it's that.

[01:12:04] And that's my that on that, that is my cue, my one for the one

[01:12:10] that I stole from you and you would hear me say it a lot this year is

[01:12:15] very exchange ain't no robber.

[01:12:17] No robber.

[01:12:20] Well, that was with that being said, guys, peace and blessings to you guys.

[01:12:24] Thank you for joining our first live stream.

[01:13:29] don't forget, do not forget, we got a 2024 leadership conference going on in the care

[01:13:38] line us. I'm going to be pinning all that information all year round to all of my platforms. You do not want to miss it. We're going to have a good time. Some good information. It's a two days conference