Find Your Refuge...

[00:00:04] .

[00:00:34] And join the podcasting revolution unfiltered studios where every voice finds its place.

[00:00:41] Visit UNF pod.com today to find your favorite show.

[00:00:47] Unfiltered studios will help you press record.

[00:01:01] Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. One and all good afternoon, everybody. Good afternoon.

[00:01:09] It's your girl, Victoria J. Back in the building on this freedom Friday.

[00:01:16] We got some goodie, goodie goodies in store for you today. We got a special guest,

[00:01:21] but guys, you know what we do. Let's go ahead and give God some afternoon praise.

[00:01:27] It is never too early to praise him. Heavenly father, we come to you right now in the name

[00:01:34] of Jesus. We thank you for breathing your very breath into our bodies on this day. Heavenly

[00:01:40] father. We thank you for your grace and your mercy because we know that it is new every single

[00:01:46] day. Father God bless those that are in this room on this day. Bless our special guest.

[00:01:53] Bless the people that's coming in online. Father God, those that have ears to hear,

[00:01:59] let them hear. Oh, heavenly father, we thank you for the fellowship today. We thank you for

[00:02:05] being kingdom children. Father God, we thank you for your glory. Father God,

[00:02:11] your grace and mercy is sufficient every single day of our lives. Amen, everybody.

[00:02:19] Amen. So guys come into the show today. I have CEO of Ashanti Refuge Journals.

[00:02:32] Ashanti is a certified mental health coach. She's an advocate. She's a speaker and author.

[00:02:42] She guides individuals in releasing healing and living their best lives through guided

[00:02:48] journaling. Ashanti believes in shredding emotional baggage by addressing its roots,

[00:02:56] causes and facilitating natural healing. Inspired by her own experience and mental health

[00:03:05] challenges, she has created a series of self-care guided journals. Ashanti's mission

[00:03:14] is to offer a safe space for healing through guided journaling. Born in Beaumont, Texas,

[00:03:25] Ashanti now resides in Houston with her wife, Angela, and is a proud mom of three adult children.

[00:03:34] When she is not crafting her journals, Ashanti enjoys reading, binge watching TV shows,

[00:03:41] and cherishing moments with her family and friends. Currently, she is pinned a book based

[00:03:50] on her personal well journey. Ashanti Refuge Journals are dedicated to empower

[00:03:59] individuals who recognize the vital role journaling plays in self-care. Advocating

[00:04:07] self-love, self-awareness and self-care through guided journaling, she creates

[00:04:14] journals that enhance emotional, physical, mental, spiritual and financial well-being.

[00:04:24] Guys, let's welcome to the show today, Ms. Ashanti Refuge. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the

[00:04:35] show. Thank you for having me. I am so excited about our conversation today. Thank you for

[00:04:45] coming on to the show, Freedom Fridays and just sharing your story, sharing your journals

[00:04:52] with us. But first let's dive into Ashanti. Ashanti, I don't know why I keep wanting to call

[00:04:58] you Ashanti. Ashanti, let's dive into who you are and how you came to be right here at this

[00:05:08] particular time in your life. Okay, well thank you for having me first of all. My name is

[00:05:16] Ashanti Refuge. I am a certified mental health coach, mental health advocate, keynote speaker

[00:05:21] and author, and I help women to release, heal and live their best lives with guided journaling.

[00:05:28] I started my business in 2021. I had to think about it after I had a nervous breakdown in 2018.

[00:05:37] That's what led me to start my business. That's what led you and what a beautiful business

[00:05:42] that you do have. I was over on your website. I think I was speaking to you a few minutes

[00:05:49] ago and I was telling you I've seen so many goodies that I wanted over there, but I also

[00:05:57] noticed that you have a couple events coming up. Are they online? Tell us about a few of your

[00:06:04] events if you will. Well, I just had an event on this past Wednesday. I was a keynote speaker

[00:06:13] for Sharewell. I spoke about mental health in a BIPOC community. That was great. That was my

[00:06:21] first keynote and so that was kind of scary and you know eventful. I'm glad that's over.

[00:06:30] How did that go for you? Because I'm gonna have to tell you, I got an offer to be a

[00:06:37] keynote speaker coming this summer and I don't know it's months away. I knew about it last

[00:06:42] year, but I am a nervous wreck. But I say God, if it is your will, then I will be able to say

[00:06:49] what you need me to say in that moment. You have the answer. That's your answer right there

[00:06:54] because that's the same thing I said. They're like why y'all want me to talk? What is it about

[00:06:59] me? And then I said Lord, I wish your will just have me say what you need me to say and

[00:07:03] I did. So go and keynote speak. Take that off.

[00:07:08] Yeah, I know. So is most of your, you said that was your first one. Are most of them

[00:07:16] gonna be online whereas we can come and join online or is it in person?

[00:07:23] No, most of them are online. I'm in Houston, Texas so and I know I have noticed that a lot

[00:07:29] of my audience are up north. So if I'm asked to travel, I will travel but most of the time

[00:07:36] it's gonna be online. Wow. So I'll get to go join in online with all those goodies. I can't wait.

[00:07:44] So as I settle into this seat, you are my first mental health coach. Tell me how you came

[00:07:53] about being a mental health coach because you said briefly in your statement that you

[00:07:59] had a nervous breakdown. How did all of this that came into play for you that I'm pretty sure

[00:08:06] God had an allotment? He already knew. Apparently.

[00:08:14] Back in 2018, I woke up one Sunday morning and I did not feel like myself. I could literally

[00:08:21] feel like a dark cloud was hanging over my head and you know I was thinking oh maybe it's just

[00:08:26] the funk. I'm about to start my cycle or something and I just ignored it and the

[00:08:32] symptoms I was having, I was sad. I was you know like it was just a bad feeling. I was

[00:08:41] sad crying, withdrawn then I started isolating then I started getting mean and this is over

[00:08:48] a period of time you know that never went away and every day those symptoms got worse

[00:08:53] and I couldn't control them. You know how sometimes it wasn't one in particular thing

[00:08:58] in particular. It was just you woke up and it seemed like a bad day and it just kept going.

[00:09:05] Wow. And the thing that disturbed me is I couldn't control my emotions. So whatever

[00:09:11] you were at that moment, that's what you were getting and the more I tried to control it,

[00:09:16] the worse it got and I let that go on for like a month before I said okay something's wrong.

[00:09:22] I gotta go see what's going on so I didn't know who to go to. I went to my family practice doctor

[00:09:28] because she'd been my doctor for years so I was like okay she'll know what's wrong with me

[00:09:32] and I went to her and I told her what was going on and she was like oh it sounds like

[00:09:37] you're just a little depressed. Let me give you some antidepressants. I'm like I want that

[00:09:42] because you know I pictured myself, my future self being that person who had antidepressants

[00:09:50] in one hand and a glass of wine in the other hand and that's all I would know. I'm like

[00:09:55] I don't want that. I want to know why I'm acting like this. What brought this on and how

[00:09:59] can I fix it? And she didn't have the answer and instead of saying you know Shanti

[00:10:04] I don't have the answer she said well I'm not saying anything's wrong with you but I'm

[00:10:09] gonna recommend you go see a psychiatrist. Right. You know black people don't see psychiatrists.

[00:10:19] Although we're living in a new world now and I'm 52 I call it the new world although we

[00:10:25] live in a new world now and mental health is it's you know the gen x and the gen z

[00:10:32] they bought it forth and they're going to seek the therapy that they need whether it's

[00:10:37] depression, suicidal thoughts, things that happened in their past and just like you just

[00:10:43] said black people don't see therapists and I just said that to someone actually I just

[00:10:48] said it on another show. We were coming up saying you know the only time we talked about

[00:10:55] therapy is if perhaps the teacher or the school system noticed something and they recommended

[00:11:04] it and most of the time my parents only did it because they wanted to keep the social

[00:11:10] the these social services or the government out of their business but they didn't believe in

[00:11:18] mental health. They just deal with it and if you came from a household like me it was like

[00:11:24] pray about it. It was like ain't nothing wrong with you and that's a difference in today's

[00:11:30] world because back then we thought therapy then something has to be wrong and they got to be

[00:11:38] medicated and put away and now in this time it has to do with our mental well-being so like

[00:11:46] you just said you woke up and it was just a bad day that just kept going. Yes yeah so you

[00:11:54] know the way I was acting back then I was verbally aggressive and I could feel myself about to be

[00:12:01] physically aggressive and so I had to think Shanti do you want to go to jail or do you

[00:12:06] want to go see the psychiatrist so you you know could get the help that you need so I said

[00:12:10] all right all right I'm going and you know I found a psychiatrist and told her what was going

[00:12:16] on and she wanted to give me antidepressants too and I'm like I don't want this. I want to

[00:12:23] know why I'm acting like this so she recommended that I go see a therapist and the black people

[00:12:29] don't see psychiatrists they don't see therapists. I grew up you know what goes on in the house

[00:12:37] stays in the house don't you go telling nobody your business blah blah blah and you know I had

[00:12:43] to go against all of that so I could get the help that I needed because I was desperate

[00:12:47] because I could feel myself about to you know be on my way to jail and heck

[00:12:53] because if I didn't get the help that I needed so I finally found my third therapist it took me

[00:12:59] three therapists to find the therapist that was willing to help me. You're not the first one

[00:13:05] that I heard say that. Yeah you know some it's hard enough for us to go and find a therapist

[00:13:12] because we don't know who we looking for you know so you know the first therapist I found I

[00:13:17] found her on google and you know all I knew I knew what I wanted who I wanted to talk to I

[00:13:23] wanted to talk to a black woman. I didn't want her to be too old or too young you know so

[00:13:28] and I found that one but she was not the one right and I ended up having to you know fire

[00:13:34] her and second therapist we only had one visit and then she ghosted me. Wow you know

[00:13:42] what as um and you probably have witnessed this yourself as a mental health coach I have heard

[00:13:50] in my social circle group of people that is doing therapy one of uh one of my dear friends

[00:13:57] she said it took her three times and like you she wanted a black therapist she didn't end up

[00:14:04] with a black therapist though the third time around she found someone that could dig into

[00:14:10] the root of what she was going through and a lot of her trauma was from childhood to adulthood.

[00:14:18] I had a young man tell me the same thing that he sought out therapy and had the first initial

[00:14:25] consultation then the therapist ghosted him I mean I don't know what that is all about.

[00:14:33] That is so wrong but it happened. Well I'm gonna throw this in here because for me

[00:14:40] I sought out a therapist but the affordability what would you say to someone

[00:14:47] that know there's something wrong like you woke up and knew something wasn't quite right but they

[00:14:53] don't have any insurance they don't know where to go and how to get the help that they need.

[00:15:01] I would say that you know if you are working um a job that offers insurance but you don't

[00:15:08] have it you still have access to what we call employee assistance program. Go to HR and see

[00:15:16] what's available you know that's how I started I got you know we have an employee assistance

[00:15:21] program where they offer you five free sessions per issue so you can go in there with 10

[00:15:27] issues and get five free services for each issue you have so you know you have to ask

[00:15:34] you have to open your mouth you know closed mouths don't get fed and nobody

[00:15:38] knows you need help unless you say you need help because we don't want nothing wrong.

[00:15:44] Yeah yeah I'm excited about this conversation I am I'm learning a lot already so you said

[00:15:50] this happened in 2018 and as we know you went we went through the pandemic 2019 2020 um

[00:15:59] everything just been out of control people losing their lives losing jobs and then you

[00:16:04] went through this prior to this so how did you get to the mental coach thing because you said

[00:16:11] it took you three times and you finally found the right therapist that you end up

[00:16:16] taking medication or just doing the therapy or both. I refuse I didn't want that medication

[00:16:20] because when you think about it you know they start you off on certain level dosage but

[00:16:26] after a while you're going to need another dose higher dose a higher dose a higher dose

[00:16:30] it's like when does it end no I didn't want that and you know medications affect your liver

[00:16:35] and kidney we all know this no I didn't want that I did not want that I wanted to address

[00:16:41] what was wrong why I was like and this therapist my third therapist she was willing

[00:16:47] to help me because by the time I got to her I was full of attitude I was you know this

[00:16:52] was wrong I didn't have two people I had to fire and you know I was just she said no I'm

[00:16:57] going to help you and she did and she taught me about guided journaling and that was the best

[00:17:03] thing in the world that she could have did for me is show me how to journal show me how to get

[00:17:08] everything out and you know we started at childhood my earliest remembrance of childhood

[00:17:14] up until that day I woke up it didn't feel good and come to find out I had a lot of

[00:17:19] suppressed traumas that I didn't even know was trauma had no wow yeah I was a victim of

[00:17:26] child abuse I was a teen mom I had my first kid when I was 14 I didn't think that was traumatic

[00:17:31] back then but now me looking back yes I was a little girl you know so I went through a lot

[00:17:38] of things and through guided journaling just guided journaling is you answering specific

[00:17:44] prompts they're all different topics whatever topic you're on you're going to answer prompts

[00:17:50] about those that specific topic and when you're writing physically right I know a lot of people

[00:17:56] don't like to put pen and paper but it is so therapeutic when you do that and that's what I

[00:18:02] that is exactly what I teach because people like to know use their technology you know

[00:18:06] or use voice no write it down right now will help you and once I started feeling better

[00:18:15] I was like okay you know I'm fine I'm good and then I heard God say you're fine what about

[00:18:22] everybody else somebody needs this too somebody the same way you're feeling and I tell people

[00:18:28] this all the time that was the first time I really heard God talk to me because I would

[00:18:32] hear people say well God told me this and I'd be like I didn't tell you nothing

[00:18:38] believe it because it never happened to me it happened to me and he told me to publish

[00:18:44] these guided journals for other people and that's what I did and when I published them

[00:18:50] you know I would go to events and be a vendor and people are asked questions and I would answer

[00:18:55] them that way and I got a mentor who says stop um stop hiding behind those journals

[00:19:00] people need to hear your story oh we yeah but she made me and I'm glad she did well she

[00:19:11] didn't make me she encouraged me and I'm glad she did you know how funny oh gosh I love it

[00:19:18] I love it I love it thank you lord thank you holy spirit you know when you say you know

[00:19:25] you heard a voice and someone told you it was God telling you to write the journals it is it

[00:19:33] comes just like that because you hear all your life especially I've heard it God don't talk to

[00:19:38] you all day every day but when you start to spend time with him he doesn't but he'll drop

[00:19:44] a thought your way or he'll have somebody confirm that very thought that you thought

[00:19:50] that was just in your head and you was like oh was it was that you telling me to do that

[00:19:56] he'll send a confirmation even through a piece of paper something you're reading or somebody

[00:20:02] that you're talking about yeah I did go over to the website tell us about these journals

[00:20:10] we're gonna skip down and we're gonna roll back a bit tell us about the journals since

[00:20:16] you brought them into play I uh created all of the journals that you saw on my website I made

[00:20:22] them and they were all based on my personal uh journey so the self-esteem one the self-love

[00:20:29] one the relationship one the prayer one the gratitude all of those that those were mine

[00:20:36] that I made for myself but I ended up publishing them because those are all issues that I had

[00:20:42] you know I used to think I was the most grateful person in the world

[00:20:45] when I started writing that gratitude journal I learned how ungrateful I was and I was ashamed

[00:20:50] of it because I thought I was grateful so yeah and I was able to uh reestablish my

[00:20:55] relationship with God through the prayer journal I wrote down all my prayers in that guided

[00:21:01] journal and every last one of them came up they came true and I was just in amazement so

[00:21:07] I mean that really just set the thing and I was like okay well you know I'm trying to refuse

[00:21:13] journals now my little LLC and started promoting and yeah like I said that's when

[00:21:21] you know my mentor said uh-huh stop hiding you're hiding go and talk people need to hear

[00:21:27] your story and I get up and tell my story yeah you just gave me a confirmation one of my bishops

[00:21:35] I flip-flop between my home church here in North Carolina and the church that I grew up in

[00:21:41] Virginia so every other Sunday I'm either at both places and he told me last summer he said

[00:21:49] you know what you need to do you need to come from behind that veil and at the time I wasn't

[00:21:55] doing the live show and it just kept nagging at me coming from church one Sunday and I said God

[00:22:03] you know I don't like to do public nothing to me and social media have a love-hate relationship

[00:22:09] yeah I got a bunch of pages but actually going live that's a total different ball game and

[00:22:15] when you start to tell your story like you did you started out with the journals produced

[00:22:21] them and that was my next question is it questions that we have to answer because you said when you

[00:22:28] started doing your grateful journal that you found out how ungrateful you were did you put

[00:22:35] little guides in there yeah there are questions in there every like the gratitude guided journal

[00:22:42] there's questions in there you have to answer those questions you know it makes you that

[00:22:47] makes you think and it makes you self-reflect yeah and that's how like I said I just knew I

[00:22:53] was grateful no I wasn't I am now you know look you have now and you got a residual income

[00:23:03] look how God bless look how he blessed well let's backtrack a little bit

[00:23:12] you shared your experience with me let's talk about the guided journaling and meshing that

[00:23:22] together with self-care because you are a mental health coach and how do you approach that with

[00:23:29] your clients because I'm sure you don't just shove the book in their hand and say okay now

[00:23:34] go home and do this homework so how do we go about that when a person comes to me and

[00:23:40] wants me to work with them I tell them up front you're gonna have homework and you're

[00:23:45] gonna not like me you're probably gonna cuss me out but we're gonna get through this

[00:23:49] because I make them dig deep and you know journaling is my core healing tool that I use

[00:23:57] if you're not trying to write if you're not trying to be honest with yourself you don't

[00:24:01] need me as your coach because I'm gonna make you be honest and so I let them know you

[00:24:06] know this is the purpose of it you know we start from the beginning especially

[00:24:10] people who are familiar with journaling we go back to guided journaling 101

[00:24:15] and so they can know the purpose of it and how it's going to help them

[00:24:19] so I don't throw the book at them and say here go journal and come back

[00:24:23] and if they come back for another session and hadn't done their homework we're not talking

[00:24:27] yeah yeah hey you gotta work on yourself you gotta want to work on yourself

[00:24:37] I can't want your healing more than you do exactly this is not for me anymore

[00:24:42] you know it's not being about me when I publish those guided journals it's not about me anymore

[00:24:47] it's about you have to be serious about your healing and I don't even I do an assessment

[00:24:53] I don't I don't just take anybody you know I know that you're serious because I put my all into

[00:24:59] this because I want you to be better I want you to do better but again I can't want it more than

[00:25:04] you do exactly well I'm gonna throw another question in there that we didn't talk about

[00:25:10] because I'm I got I gotta get the information why I got you you talked about when you started

[00:25:17] seeing your therapist you didn't know that you had childhood trauma and we were taught what goes

[00:25:27] on in the household stays in the household yeah and I feel the same way even with being a

[00:25:33] Christian and being brought up in a Christian household how did y'all dig to find that

[00:25:39] information and I'm saying that personally just for me because sometimes I don't feel great I

[00:25:46] know what my purpose is what God wants me to do he wants me to be out there and put his word

[00:25:54] out there but sometimes we don't feel great all the time and sometimes just praying about it

[00:26:01] it doesn't cut through the surface you need that human touch I guess I would say because

[00:26:09] we're all the time fighting the flesh we already got so much stuff coming up against us

[00:26:14] and sometimes I do feel like I'm not digging deep enough I used to we used to call them diaries

[00:26:21] and I still have them and I still do that and sometimes I'll open them up and see where I was

[00:26:28] versus now yes but sometimes I also feel like there's still some deep rooted issues that I

[00:26:36] can pray away I can't ask God to deliver me from them but that there's nothing wrong with

[00:26:43] getting down to the core of that it's just a to somebody like me it's necessary you have to get

[00:26:50] to the core you have to you know prayer is great but you have to face whatever it is so

[00:26:57] you know with my therapist she said go back to your first remembrance of childhood the earliest

[00:27:03] go back as far as you can and that remembrance that I had wasn't a good one but I had to talk

[00:27:09] about so I not only had to talk about it to her I had to write about it and then eventually

[00:27:16] I had to go and confront the person who which was my mom I had to go talk to her about it

[00:27:21] I don't that's right I think it's a word confront because it sounds so negative but it's not you

[00:27:26] have to I think that's the hardest part you know it might have been hard to talk about yes

[00:27:31] my mom did this to me did blah blah blah but for me to have to go to her and say you did

[00:27:36] this to me that was hard but I did it it was necessary and I didn't do it for her I did it

[00:27:42] for me so you have to get to the room you have to face it acknowledge it heal from it so you

[00:27:49] come along you do you do you got to free yourself from it and it's necessary to have

[00:27:54] those conversations as uncomfortable as it is because it is for you and I always say that

[00:28:02] about forgiveness once I latched on to the concept of forgiveness it was like a it was

[00:28:11] always natural for me but actually understand that we all say forgiveness is for us not the

[00:28:18] other person but when you really start working on the root of what that person or whoever

[00:28:26] did or said it possibly it could be you I walked around angry and judgmental for a long time

[00:28:34] thinking that someone did something to me but people have to live their lives and God said

[00:28:40] to me one day and I and I hate I always say this but I hate saying it you know I have a

[00:28:46] very forgiving spirit even if you hurt me I just bounce right back and forgive you and

[00:28:53] I'll still deal with you but I'll carry that inside it's almost like I'm crying inside and

[00:29:00] one day I was laying bed and God said embrace your forgiven nature embrace that yeah giving

[00:29:08] someone is about love and that's a part of me and God is about love so once I embraced that

[00:29:15] I started working on the anchor and I started not beating myself up because I have a forgiving

[00:29:22] nature sometimes I may be a little bit too forgiven in some things but when he spoke those

[00:29:29] words to me I will never forget it and I said you know what I'm gonna embrace

[00:29:36] forgiving people because God is about love right I can't walk around and tell people about

[00:29:43] God's love if I'm holding on beating myself up because I forgave you because you did something

[00:29:51] so horrific but it let me freed me to know that that's something that's a gift that God gives you

[00:30:00] because a lot of people hold on to stuff for a very long time yeah they go to their grave holding

[00:30:07] on to grudges and stuff that happened in 1902 but they had happened yesterday and you know

[00:30:15] the part about forgiveness is when you forgive someone that don't mean you gotta keep messing

[00:30:19] with them yeah and that's one thing I had to learn too you know just because you forgave them

[00:30:24] that don't mean they could be in your face you know you love them from afar put them in a balcony

[00:30:29] but you know just don't hold that you know that hurt anymore because when you are still

[00:30:35] you forgive someone but you still are reminded of the hurt they still have power over you

[00:30:40] you don't want to get your power that's right you want to keep your power and I want to keep

[00:30:47] my I'm still working on that tidbit because sometimes I'm out here and I talk to so many people

[00:30:54] and I'm looking at people to see what I see and they're still seeing with the natural eye

[00:31:00] all I see is that God they love that God told me to share that he shared for us but he did

[00:31:07] say if they don't receive you shake off the dust and keep it moving that's what he told his

[00:31:12] disciples when he sent them out so I'm still working on that part good stay working on

[00:31:20] I am I'm still working on that part so you got over into mental health coaching

[00:31:28] how did that look coming from doing your own therapy and now you said to yourself one day

[00:31:37] this is what I want to do or how did that evolve for you maybe let me tell you I never had any

[00:31:44] intention on doing any of this I planned on healing and minding my business however once I

[00:31:52] got from behind my hiding behind my journals and started speaking from speaking people would come

[00:31:57] up to me and say are you a coach and look at me now I'm a coach so it's like every time

[00:32:06] I do one thing and I'm thinking I'm elevating to you to the next thing here comes somebody

[00:32:12] saying hey you should be doing this you should be doing this and then you know I'll be up at

[00:32:18] night thinking about it like who's gonna want to want me to coach them people want me to

[00:32:25] coach them and I am so grateful for it you know I just had to you know say prayer for

[00:32:30] that you know God sends me the right people you know or and I am able to help the person

[00:32:39] you know and not have them I always want somebody to leave better after they encounter me

[00:32:46] you know if they don't leave better than what they came then I haven't done my job

[00:32:51] and you know right now like it's not about me anymore so I just remove myself from it

[00:32:58] well it's your destiny you didn't know you know as you were as you were saying that in my spirit

[00:33:06] I could feel you know God trials tribulations leads to us being able to build up our endurance

[00:33:17] which builds to faith and he did say he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him

[00:33:24] so you didn't know by waking up and just feeling yucky going through the therapy

[00:33:30] and but God knows something that's on the inside of you that's gonna help someone else

[00:33:36] and and you did the masterpiece you did the three different journals that were yours personally

[00:33:43] that you share with the world now so you may have not known that that was gonna be your

[00:33:50] destiny but he did he did so it I looked up your books I want to name a few for the audience you

[00:34:00] got uh about that pray about that life I think I won't I manifest love yourself first free yourself

[00:34:11] and create your own happiness so when you were doing your therapy you were doing your

[00:34:18] journaling and then you decided to market them because these are some nifty names the one that

[00:34:24] I like the most is I think I won't I manifest how did that one come about you know I did not

[00:34:33] believe in manifestation and I would hear people talking about it you know and I did my research

[00:34:40] on it because you know you get different views I wanted to I'm the type of person you could

[00:34:44] tell me all day what something is I'm gonna go look it up not everybody is like that

[00:34:50] I went and did my research to make sure it wasn't something I didn't want to be

[00:34:54] deviling in and um I started manifestation you know writing things down write it down make it

[00:35:02] plain you know and when I did I started and I didn't even know before I was manifesting I was

[00:35:09] manifesting the power does lie in your thoughts and your words that's why you we always have to

[00:35:16] speak life and I remember you know when it clicked I manifested my house I always said

[00:35:24] I want a five bedroom three and a half bathroom house and I want it here and I want this just

[00:35:29] and I got it now realizing I was manifesting it so I paid that guided journal so for me I

[00:35:37] made it for myself because I wanted to manifest a bunch of things and um when I published it somebody

[00:35:44] uh saw me speaking at an event and they went looked at my website saw saw that guided journal

[00:35:52] and they asked me could uh they use that for their reality show I'm like yeah right

[00:36:01] you don't want this really wow so it became a part of a reality show wow amazing look at the

[00:36:09] gifts that god pours out okay lord I'm still I always tell people I'm waiting in expectation

[00:36:17] I'm waiting in expectation for a house as well and I've been waiting for a very very long time

[00:36:24] two weeks ago I got some disturbing news and in my mind Satan wanted me to feel like

[00:36:31] oh it's never gonna happen it's gone and god said it is gonna happen sometimes you still gotta

[00:36:38] put in a little bit more work yeah and I've actually walked it a couple times I walked it

[00:36:46] and I was standing at the top of the stairs and I saw myself drinking a cup of coffee

[00:36:53] at the big picture window and then in my spirit god said now walk and pray in each room

[00:36:59] and I have to pass it every day it's the model and I say god I want it just like that

[00:37:05] and every time I pass it I just say thank you lord thank you lord because it's not

[00:37:10] now but it will come I do however you said manifest I was just like you I still a teensy bit

[00:37:21] am you know with the manifestations but I have notes that I've written down I put it in the

[00:37:28] envelope years ago have not opened it and I can't wait to open it when all this stuff that

[00:37:35] I wrote now manifest but I gotta get some of those journals because I was just I was being nosy

[00:37:43] this week I was I was being nosy I said you know what I want that one that one and

[00:37:53] so with your journals and it just made me think about this my daughter bought me a shadow

[00:37:58] workbook for Christmas and I kind of flipped through the pages but I haven't did the work

[00:38:04] is it similar or is there a difference shadow work is the same but different if that makes sense

[00:38:12] the shadow I have a shadow work one too and it as when you first look at it and first start

[00:38:19] answering the questions it's like what kind of question is this but it will make sense to you

[00:38:25] so I would recommend that you do it you know it when I first heard shadow work I would think

[00:38:30] that's something demonic it is not you going deeper inside yourself

[00:38:38] and that's that was my I heard that I was so excited because I think it was all the rave

[00:38:44] last fall and last winter and then one of my capatres another podcaster

[00:38:50] she was talking about shadow work and I briefly mentioned it to my daughter

[00:38:55] and lord behold one of my Christmas presents was she bought me a shadow workbook

[00:38:59] and then after she bought the book I heard the buzz like we do on social media and someone said

[00:39:07] is demonic and I put it down I said I don't want to be dibbling and dabbling in anything

[00:39:14] that's demonic but when I did flip through I didn't see anything for me that disturbed my

[00:39:22] spirit I might I might pick it I might have to pick that book back up speaking of books

[00:39:32] speaking of books so this is the first book I'm gonna get I'll probably get this book

[00:39:36] and a journal quiet as cat that is your memoir yes and you had a saying in there

[00:39:45] hit dogs will always holler talk to me about the book

[00:39:52] talk to me about quiet as cap quiet as cap is my journey from my earliest

[00:39:59] moment remembrance of childhood up until 2018 when I had the nervous breakdown so I go very

[00:40:07] deep into every situation that I had to go through in therapy so basically you're the book

[00:40:13] is my therapy journey of me talking about these past things and things that shaped me

[00:40:19] as a person up until you know I had the nervous breakdown then I talk about you know my therapy

[00:40:25] and journaling and how now I help other people overcome their childhood issues and the term

[00:40:32] hit dogs will holler is me saying that you know people like to forget or be in denial about

[00:40:41] the part they played and I say it all in this book you know I say you did this

[00:40:49] this person said this you know I even say I did this you know unapologetically and

[00:40:56] when uh people like to throw the rock and hide their hand

[00:41:03] so the hit dogs will holler is meaning you're gonna read something in this book

[00:41:08] and it's gonna affect you and you're gonna start howling about it

[00:41:13] including the people who were involved in my story there's somebody out there like that

[00:41:20] that's so true that's so true I'll tell you I think that's a part of something that we all

[00:41:26] go through in our healing journey uh I thought it was amazing just from that hit dogs were a

[00:41:33] holler just the tidbit that I was able to read on your website I said yeah she goes deep in this

[00:41:41] and it made me begin to think about me and the people in my social circles because I think

[00:41:49] my sister and I had the same conversation my brother published a book I've been writing books

[00:41:54] for years the funny thing is I left my laptop in New York when I lived there at one of my

[00:42:00] girlfriend's house and she was insistent on this year of getting that laptop back to me

[00:42:07] she said you have so many amazing stories in this book I said girl throw that laptop away

[00:42:12] delete everything I got two new ones I don't even remember what I wrote and I thought she

[00:42:18] threw it away and lord behold the UPS man comes and she was insistent on getting it to

[00:42:25] funny thing is I think I'm afraid to go back and read what I wrote because it was some trauma

[00:42:32] in there I took it out the box that I have not opened that thing up yet

[00:42:39] come on now I know I know and yes it was going to believe me writing Quiet as Kev was very

[00:42:46] it took me a year to write it because I had to keep stopping because it was triggering

[00:42:51] yes because it brought me back to those places and I had to stop for a while but then I kept

[00:42:57] getting that nagging finish that book finish that book and I just went ahead and finished it

[00:43:01] so open up open that laptop get your pages together that's your book that's gonna be your

[00:43:08] baby oh that that's god and I know I got some people watching and my sister is one of them

[00:43:14] you know who you are you started a book a year or so ago and you said a lot you stopped because

[00:43:22] a lot of it was trauma and a lot of it was going to upset some people you're hearing it

[00:43:29] here that self-love tell her shanti tell her that's self-love so you better write that book

[00:43:36] if you're one of the ones watching that you got to finish that book the book is not about

[00:43:41] the people you're writing about the book is for you it's for you to share your story so

[00:43:47] other people can heal from your story it's not about some yes people are going to be mad so what

[00:43:54] so what you know it's not about them you know how to keep my man writing my book

[00:43:59] come on now write your book finish that book finish it

[00:44:05] I was looking at that from your perspective and I actually is god is so good this week

[00:44:09] I was looking at that and in my healing journey and what I do for myself and I was saying just

[00:44:16] that you can't do things in life to please everyone you have to do what makes it comfortable

[00:44:25] for you and then have those conversations because you are gonna push buttons and those

[00:44:32] that love you they're gonna stick around they may be a little upset momentarily but if they really

[00:44:39] love you they're gonna stick and stay they're gonna want to hear what you have to say and

[00:44:45] they're gonna support you those that don't maybe it was time for you to end that friendship

[00:44:51] or that relationship and that's a part of my therapy just talking to god so I get it I get

[00:44:58] so we spoke about your upcoming events we spoke about your engagements your story that you share

[00:45:06] inspires a lot of people do you encourage people to do the same especially with your clients

[00:45:13] once you know that they're healed and they've graduated from therapy do you encourage people

[00:45:20] to go to the people that hurt them or to share their story yes yes absolutely yes

[00:45:29] and I also say okay now write your book you have a story that needs to be heard somebody

[00:45:34] else needs to hear it so it's more like for me it's like you know I did the process I

[00:45:39] you know share my story I'm helping you through my story okay you're healing help somebody

[00:45:46] else through your story we all have a story and you know when you're going through this process

[00:45:50] we feel like we're alone and we are not alone but if it is very lonely feeling but you know

[00:45:58] our thoughts a lot of us yeah so it's like go and help somebody else so I always encourage

[00:46:05] all of my clients okay you're in a place now where you can help somebody else go help

[00:46:10] somebody else and you do that by telling the story so graduating how do you get to that process

[00:46:17] what are some of your strategies and you know that your client is in a place where

[00:46:23] they can possibly walk on their own when they can tell me their story without crying

[00:46:29] oh gosh

[00:46:32] oh lord I would be in therapy for life

[00:46:35] because you're gonna have to repeat that story over and over and over and over or you know I used

[00:46:42] to think that I would be tired of telling my story right I have not gotten tired of telling it

[00:46:48] you know it gives me new life every time I have to tell this story because I know that

[00:46:53] somebody is hearing my story for the first time I don't care if I said it 100 times before

[00:46:58] it's somebody out there who's hearing my story who needs to hear the story so yeah you're

[00:47:03] gonna be repeating a whole bunch of times and you're gonna be able to tell your story without

[00:47:07] crying so when you get to that point where you can talk like me then you fine yeah yeah

[00:47:15] that is god is so amazing I was just thinking about that this morning I tell people

[00:47:21] all the time that I was an ex-alcoholic and a lot of my family members was like you're not

[00:47:27] an ex-alcoholic you just like to drink at a time in your life when everything was falling apart

[00:47:33] I still say anything that replaces you being the normal you is something that you depend on and

[00:47:41] when god delivered me from that I was just thinking about that as you came on the show

[00:47:45] this morning how many times am I going to tell my story and in the midst of me saying that

[00:47:51] as many times as it takes because there's another woman male single parent that was where

[00:48:00] you were at that needs to hear it and it'll be their first time hearing it it's not your first

[00:48:07] time telling it but it'll be your first time hearing it. Get your tea and your honey because

[00:48:12] you're gonna be telling your story many times.

[00:48:18] And exercising that voice thank you so much Shanti for coming onto the show is there any other

[00:48:26] insightful tips that you want to give us because I don't even think that we scratched the surface

[00:48:33] on the things that we could have talked about with you is there any tips tricks that you

[00:48:39] want to give the audience that's listening today? Yes my first thing is take care of your

[00:48:46] mental health you know we as women spend so much time giving and taking care of everybody

[00:48:53] else that we forget about ourselves. Yes we do. And that it's not fair it's not right

[00:48:59] take your mental health back take care of yourself and I'm not just saying go get a

[00:49:06] manicure pedicure get your lashes and your hair done that's not self-care. Right.

[00:49:11] Appear you know doing things that you enjoy getting back to you because before you were

[00:49:17] all these things to everybody else you were you. So you know get a good book find you a book

[00:49:23] go exercise go outside spend time with nature do yoga I never thought in many years I'd be

[00:49:29] doing yoga but you know I have found things that you know are pleasing to me that are healing

[00:49:35] for me so it's very important for us to keep our cups full stop pouring from an empty cup

[00:49:41] because you can't do that. Exactly exactly and go ahead no go ahead I was gonna say even from

[00:49:49] a Christian standpoint I think sometimes us women especially in the Black community we feel

[00:49:57] like holding our husbands down our mates being the help mate we are supposed to pray about it

[00:50:04] and you know if you're really in tune with your relationship with God everybody knows it's God

[00:50:11] the wife and then the children but ultimately if he's not taking everything to God and being

[00:50:18] that head that God required him to be and asking God before he comes and tries to run the

[00:50:27] household I think sometimes some of us women especially Christian women we get it mess

[00:50:33] mixed up that we have to take all this stuff mentally from our husbands in the name of

[00:50:40] Christianity and we have to dig a little bit deeper to first find out what the scripture is

[00:50:48] really saying about the head of the house so and two you don't have to take all that stuff

[00:50:55] mentally because verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse and mentally I think some of us

[00:51:03] Christian women we digest and we push that stuff down and just like we said about how we were

[00:51:11] taught to pray about it or what goes on in the household stays in the household and we stop

[00:51:17] finding that me time like you just said yoga spending time with other people what would you

[00:51:25] say looking at it from that standpoint because it's a lot it is a lot of people my my first

[00:51:31] lady just had us all come down on Mother's Day and just pray and she said I feel like

[00:51:37] there's still a lot of hurt out here and we have to be the example and I want my Christian

[00:51:45] women to know that sometimes we can take stuff so mentally that it starts to mess with our faith

[00:51:54] wall because we're trying to do right by God by honoring our husbands but sometimes

[00:52:02] it can mess with us mentally absolutely and to that I say if it's not your bad stop carrying

[00:52:09] it put it down but it does not for you to carry that's why it's so heavy

[00:52:16] yeah we're supposed to be the helpmates

[00:52:20] put it down that is not your job

[00:52:25] and I do I do believe and you're right I knew you was gonna say that you're right

[00:52:29] you gotta you gotta put that down and take care of you because you know it is God it

[00:52:36] is the husband and then it's the household well my Bible tells me the woman takes care of

[00:52:41] the household so if you have children in the household if you're not together mentally how

[00:52:47] are you gonna help the children if the husband is not together mentally if he's not going to God

[00:52:53] and getting his mental straightened out how can he officiate over the household and I just

[00:53:02] I feel like that's very important for us to say whether you're in church

[00:53:05] or not in church it's a marriage and we all have to be right mentally

[00:53:12] our new generation brought this to the forefront and you and I old school girls

[00:53:22] I'm grateful I am grateful that I think you bring this to the foreword we need it we all

[00:53:27] need it no matter your age where you come from how you it don't matter we all need to take care

[00:53:33] of ourselves and it is not our job to fix other people we have to fix ourselves

[00:53:40] and some people might call it selfish so be call it what you want it's necessary

[00:53:46] it is necessary so guys you heard it here Shanti's got some strategies she's got some

[00:53:54] journals she's a beautiful beautiful spirit if you guys need any coaching I've pinned our website

[00:54:01] in the on the bottom of the screen Shanti thank you so much for being here with me

[00:54:09] I'm gonna pick your brain after the show guys you're more than welcome to come up to the

[00:54:13] platform and ask questions I have it pinned in the comments if you want to ask Shanti a few

[00:54:20] things you don't have to show your face you can type it in the chat or you can come up on the

[00:54:25] platform just hit the link that's in the comments and I'm sure she'll be very happy to answer

[00:54:33] some of your questions them and just be prepared for the answer that's all I say

[00:54:40] yeah you can ask me whatever you want but be prepared for the answer

[00:54:44] exactly you talked about that we talked about that a little bit when you sprinkled on the

[00:54:51] you know things that we didn't know that we hold in and when it it it

[00:54:58] when it comes when your closet busts open everything starts trickling out at one time

[00:55:05] we also you also spoke to me in the beginning about us people that look like us we don't believe

[00:55:11] in therapy now that you've gone through it your mental health coach you got the journals what do

[00:55:18] you say to my generation because I just wrapped my head around it three years ago what do you say

[00:55:24] to people like me that's on a mission to resist getting therapy break that generational curse

[00:55:34] break it it is okay to get help it is okay to ask for help that doesn't mean something's wrong

[00:55:40] with you you know going to a psychiatrist doesn't mean you're crazy go and see a

[00:55:45] therapist doesn't mean you are just being malicious and telling all your family secret that's not what

[00:55:50] it's about it's about you taking care of your mental health but if somebody's depending on you

[00:55:57] whether we like it or not we have at least one person who's depending on us and you know you

[00:56:01] want to be the best for not only yourself but for whoever's depending on you and do your best

[00:56:07] if you are you know have clutter in your mind that you need to deal with you know those days

[00:56:14] of sweeping it under the rug that's over you know that is so over I always say you know we are the

[00:56:23] black sheep of the family we're the ones who talk we're gonna talk whether you want to hear

[00:56:28] it or not just like now my mom she don't want him and I got to say but I say it anyway

[00:56:34] I don't I'm not sweeping it under the rug anymore that's how I had the nervous breakdown

[00:56:38] of a game with sparing other people's feelings you know there's always a way to say something but

[00:56:45] you know be mindful of yourself you are important you are worthy and you deserve

[00:56:50] to have healthy mental health you you have a voice for a reason god gave you your voice

[00:56:55] for a reason use it no matter who it disturbs because it's going to disturb somebody

[00:57:01] yeah we're not for everybody you have to know that yeah that's true lord and lord do I know

[00:57:10] that and we do we have to give ourselves a little bit of grace especially us millennial

[00:57:17] the older people we have to know that it's okay I'm glad that someone was able to come to me

[00:57:23] and break down my wall and I still have a little bit more work to do but what I think

[00:57:28] that's the key is when you notice that you still have a little bit more work to do or that you may

[00:57:35] need to talk to someone because everything isn't just pray about it prayer does work and it is

[00:57:42] helpful but you have to get to that point first again I give I've given you guys time

[00:57:49] to come up on the stage and talk to shanti if you have any questions you can leave them

[00:57:54] in the chat on our youtube channel or any of our other social media channels and I will forward

[00:57:59] them over to shanti shanti thank you for coming on to the show tell us where the audience can

[00:58:07] find you I've got your website pinned to the front of the stage but any other platforms they

[00:58:13] can find you on absolutely I am on Facebook I am on Instagram I'm on TikTok my handle is the

[00:58:20] same on all three is at shanti refuge journals if you're on LinkedIn my name is shanti refuge

[00:58:27] so if you ever have any questions concerns comments whatever DM me or email me I will

[00:58:35] you guys heard that you heard it here first she will respond shanti thank you so much

[00:58:41] for joining my show freedom Fridays I wish you much much success I thank God

[00:58:47] is already doing that part but blessings and overflow to you I'm gonna be reaching out to

[00:58:54] you blesses and overflow to you okay guys you have heard it here a shanti refuge author mental

[00:59:06] health coach CEO of a shot shanti refuge journals guys head on over to her website

[00:59:18] it is pinned right there in front of you she's got some amazing journals over there I was on the

[00:59:25] website beautiful covers do the work do the work good and if you haven't started already

[00:59:34] talking with a therapist go ahead and get her books get her journals reach out to her for

[00:59:43] some coaching or possibly somewhere in your area again for those that missed it in the beginning

[00:59:51] I asked her what does someone do if they don't have any insurance anything that they can go

[01:00:00] seek help but they know they need help and she said go to your HR department sometimes your

[01:00:06] companies have in place free sessions that you can go and talk to someone about so go and do

[01:00:15] that and if for nothing else help yourself and that self-care goes a long way for a 12th street

[01:00:24] top back better help is our sponsors you can go on over to better help go to betterhelp.com

[01:00:34] slash 12th street and you can sign up over there and see a therapist they have over 30,000

[01:00:43] licensed therapists that can help you with a wide range of issues guys thank you so much

[01:00:51] for joining the show today if you're watching the replay don't forget to subscribe to the show

[01:00:58] hit that button follow follow follow share share share and please please go support Shanti

[01:01:06] at her website Shanti refshoot refuge.com peace and blessings to you all until next time

[01:01:16] if it be in God's will.

[01:01:30] This podcast is a production of Unfiltered Studios. If you would like to know more about

[01:01:34] joining Unfiltered Studios please visit our website at unfpod.com for more information.