Life & Lessons... The Girlfriend Experience

[00:00:00] The hardest part of moving forward isn't stepping into a new space. It's having the courage to release what used to hold you up. Welcome back, one and all. Welcome back to 12th Street Talk Back Podcast. It's your girl, Victoria J in the building with ya. How you doing out there, family?

[00:00:27] How are all my peeps out there doing? How you doing physically? How you doing mentally? How you doing spiritually? Well, while you check in with yourself, I'm going to tell you a little tidbit about your girl. Here lately, guys, spiritually, I've been on a scale that's up and down.

[00:00:56] And I'm going to tell you why. Because I have not been able to fill my cup up the way that I used to fill my cup up. I used to get up every morning and pray to God and read my word and sit and meditate or lay and meditate and think about what I had read, digest it, let my spirit get uplifted.

[00:01:20] But here as of late, I haven't been able to do much of anything besides 12 hour shifts. I know, I know. Here we go again with the whining and the complaining about work. But guys, the job be jobbing. I'm telling you, you know, it's hard out here for a pimp trying to get people to work for you.

[00:01:49] And, you know, just do the job so that you don't have to be there 24-7. So my life has been consumed with work, work, and more work. And I'm a little salty about that. I still get up. I still pray. But I'm not able to dive into my word the way that I really, really want to, the way that I used to. Now, looking at it out of another lens, I said, Lord, this is another level.

[00:02:19] Everything that you have deposited in me is etched across the tables of my heart. So I'm just going to have to round up or scrounge up a scripture to hold on to until I can feel my cup back up the way that I want to. I'm thinking about doing a fast, fasting up until the Thanksgiving holidays. And if I do, I'll let you know and you guys can join me if you like.

[00:02:48] Because there's nothing like having a spiritual fast. Fasting from social media, fasting from meats and just kind of doing a vegetable fast like the Daniel fast. But also not negating the Isaiah fast as well. Getting out in the community, uplifting someone, helping out, you know, the widow, helping out people in your community. You know, just doing whatever you can do.

[00:03:17] Nothing too big, but nothing too small. Just, you know, whatever God lays on your heart at that particular time. So, guys, what brings me to the mic tonight is something totally different. I'm going to do a three-part series. And this three-part series is going to dive a little bit deeper into what's going on with your girl, Victoria Jack. Because I know that I'm not the only one out there going through something in life.

[00:03:47] Whether the job is jobbing, where life be life in. Or whether you're going through something in your personal relationship. Or your relationship with yourself. Or your spiritual relationship. Because that pruning season, it ain't no joke. And we'll always be being pruned by our Heavenly Father. Because He wants to know if He can trust us, if we can handle certain things.

[00:04:15] Our last conversation was about capacity. And God was showing me my capacity. And I have to say, you know, the mantle is heavy. It's heavy. And when you're going through that pruning season so He can really use you the way He wants to use you. He got to get all that junk up out of you.

[00:04:36] And I have to tell you guys, it's some things He's been showing me as of late that I don't think I like about myself. That's right. So I've been recalibrating, rethinking, redoing. Because He will redo, redeem, reshape, and remake you as He's cleaning you up.

[00:05:01] He'll put you back together, tear you down a little bit more, put you back together, tear you down a little bit more, put you back together. But when He's done with you, you're going to be nice and shiny like that penny or that diamond, whichever one you prefer. Because when God does it, it is always to perfection. So in this next series, it's going to be a part one, part two, and a part three.

[00:05:30] I'm going to be talking to two wonderful, wonderful guests. One you already know by the name of Coyle Harrison III. Now, Coyle and I have done several projects together.

[00:05:45] But this time, I'm getting his personal opinion about the 12th Street brand, who I am, how he sees me out here in this media and social media content creating world. But our first guest is none other than Dr. Tamika Hood.

[00:06:07] And Dr. Tamika is new to the 12th Street Talk Back podcast, but she's not new to the 12th Street Talk Back media. We have had several conversations over on my other hosting platform on Beyond 12th Street on Star 107. For those of you that heard this conversation, then great. You tune in and we thank you. Thank you so much for tuning in to us over on Star 107.

[00:06:36] If you heard this conversation and you say, you know what, that was a good one. I want to hear it again. Well, guess what? Here it is. We get ready to air what Dr. and Tamika, Dr. Tamika. I can't talk, y'all. You know it was coming. What Dr. Tamika Hood and I got into. I let her Dr. T me and I was going through something that week.

[00:07:02] I'm always going through something, always meditating on something. And I said, why not? Why not give someone else something to think about as well as get myself snatched back together? So up next, we have in the building Dr. T right here for you on 12th Street Talk Back Podcast.

[00:07:29] And guys, I normally don't air any of our material that we do on 12th Street Gospel or Beyond 12th Street on Star 107 through the podcast. But this conversation was so juicy and so delicious and is so informative that I wanted to bring it to the podcast land. So without further ado, go grab you a snack and come on back.

[00:07:56] Because the next voice you're going to hear will be of myself and Dr. Tamika Hood from Couture Conversations right here on 12th Street Talk Back Podcast. Welcome back to Beyond 12th Street. Dr. Tamika Hood. And also, Dr. Tamika Hood is a part of the Star 107 family.

[00:08:23] So guys, give a hand clap for her coming into the family today. Yay. Welcome, Dr. Tamika. How are you? I'm amazing. How are you, Victoria? I am excited to have you back on. I loved our first conversation, but I didn't dig into, I didn't let you Dr. Tamika me.

[00:08:46] I wanted to let you Dr. Tamika me, but first and foremost, welcome to the Star 107 family. We are excited to have you here. Tell us a little bit about what we're going to get. Give us a little peek inside of what you're going to do over here in the family.

[00:09:09] So, well, first, I want to say thank you so much to everyone at Star 107 who, you know, has made me feel welcomed. And, you know, it truly is a family-oriented place. And I'm, like, so blessed and honored to be a part of such an amazing team. And to continue to contribute to the work that you do, that Mark does, and, you know, so many other people on the station.

[00:09:35] And so my show will be called Couture Conversations with Dr. T. And the tagline is Real Talk tailored to you. And so that's what it's all about. That's where the name Couture came from, right? Couture is tailor-made.

[00:09:53] And so these are conversations tailored for, you know, Black and brown communities that typically don't have an opportunity to hear their voices amplified in media or to be able to have topics or experiences that they have expressed, right? So that's pretty much the premise of Couture Conversations with Dr. T. We talk about mental health and wellness in the workplace and just, you know, in life.

[00:10:22] We talk about entrepreneurship, particularly in the Black and brown communities. We talk about, you know, workforce development, community development, you know, anything that has to do with organizational psychology, human resources. And so it's that full gamut. But, of course, it's always the underlying factor of mental health and wellness because I'm a huge proponent of that.

[00:10:51] And so I'm excited to be able to contribute to, you know, all of the wonderful contributions, you know, that are already happening on the station. I'm excited to have you. I have to say our first initial conversation off the air, like I told you before, left me in awe. You are my soul sister for real, for real. Soul sisters.

[00:11:16] But it's like a part of me that you have this thing about you and you can just see your light. And it's a part of me that says, God, that's the piece. That's the element that I'm missing. So when we come together, every time we talk, it's like I'm pulling something from you that I kind of need for myself, whether it's business, whether it's emotional, and definitely the mental factor.

[00:11:45] I have to tell you, you just said I'm a huge component for mental health. You know, I'm an old school girl. It took me a long time to wrap my head around mental health, which segues way into the conversation I wanted to have with you today.

[00:12:00] Because strategy, entrepreneurship, working for someone, another company or corporation, and not fulfilling your dreams, your ideas, and then going through so much of the emotional baggage of it. It is strategy. It is a relationship. I don't care what people say. Most people try to say working is not a relationship. You do have a work relationship.

[00:12:26] You have to be around that person all the time, especially in the environment that I'm in. I'm in retail. You know something about that. We're around that person eight hours out of the day, especially if you're the manager, you've got an assistant or a key or associate. You're constantly around them days at a time, hours at a time. And if y'all don't fit, that could be a huge problem. But for me, I wanted to talk about it from the entrepreneur aspect. Because I got so many things going on in my life.

[00:12:55] And without giving away everything that we're going to hear on your wonderful show when you bring it over here to star, I want you to Dr. Tameka me. Yes, Dr. T you. I got you. Dr. T me. I want you to bring some of your elements in for me because I feel like sometimes I'm dealing in an area that a lot of people,

[00:13:23] they either shy away from or don't want to be the authentic self. But, you know, being a woman of faith, being an entrepreneur and also a radio personality, it's hard to get across to the massive. The world will gravitate towards more of what's going on out there than inside my world. How do I bring that together? How do I bring that together?

[00:13:51] And this is a two in one question. And not bring the emotional baggage with it. Wow. That is a limited question. And something that I think we all, we all experience, right? Even now, I'll be fully transparent before, you know, I joined our conversation.

[00:14:18] I was carrying something heavy and I had to bring, you know, not just, you know, my presence over proof. I got to, you know, pull it together and be me and let my light shine. But how do I do that? What grounds me? My faith grounds me. And so, you know, we prayed. Right. And so, now, I felt genuinely better, right? Because I'm grounded in my faith. And so, I think one of the first things you have to ask yourself, right?

[00:14:47] Because we're all human, is when I am stressed, when I'm upset, when I'm carrying something heavy, how do I regulate myself? How do I reset? And so, you know, and you talked about being a woman of faith and working in retail. And so, you know, I bounced the question to you, Victoria. How, what things do you do that help you to be able to ground yourself? And I would start there.

[00:15:18] William, for me, I'm not going to say pray first because that doesn't come natural all the time. I get in my feelings. I'm going to be very transparent. Especially in the workforce part of it. I get into my feelings. Some things might come across my brain and sometimes come out of my mouth. But glory be to God and all glory does belong to him because in that moment, in that second, I began to repent.

[00:15:46] I began to get convicted because God will say something to me out of the blue like, no, no, no, no. That's not like me. And I have to pull it back together. It does not mean that my flesh does not still wear it because sometimes I got to walk in the back room and say, Lord, you better get your child. Right? And, you know, I told you before, a lot of the times because I am 4'11", because some people say I don't look 55.

[00:16:16] I found myself announcing my age a lot to my coworkers, to my customers even, because they try to railroad you a little bit. They look at me and they see the short, the cute, and it's almost sometimes like I feel like the roles are reversed. Even though I might be talking to a 33-year-old male or female, whether it's a customer or the employee, they tend to talk down to me.

[00:16:44] So I find myself announcing my age. And that's when the respect starts to come in. So it's kind of like it's a devil-edged sword. But I do, after God brings it to memory, after he convicts me, I do find myself repenting a lot. And I do find myself asking him, you know, Lord, how to handle the situation a little bit better. Not all the time, but some of the time.

[00:17:12] But the second part of that is this. This is where I love to unload, whether I'm doing a podcast for the podcast, whether I'm in here on Star 107 or one of my other platforms. This is where I unload. This is where I find my balance. This is where I find my happiness in a world of chaos because I love it so much. I love telling my testimony.

[00:17:37] I love being transparent because I cannot be the only one walking around here feeling like I'm feeling in certain situations. Whether it be I'm a woman of faith and I want to carry myself like my father. But I know sometimes this flesh will just jump up and I had not been saved. Let's just be honest. I've always known God, but I have not always walked the wall.

[00:18:04] So sometimes the flesh will do what it want to do and you got to pull it back in and say, look, I can take captive over my thoughts. I can take captive over the things that come out of my mouth. Life and death is in the power of the tongue, you know. But every day I don't get it right. And especially being a radio personality or even in podcasting. Let's just take the radio part out of it. Just being a podcaster. People are mean spirited. Some people don't believe.

[00:18:32] Some people do believe, but they got their own agenda. You got your own agenda. My thing is to come across as transparent as I know how to be. And I put a lot of my feeling out there. And I'm trying to balance what to throw out and what not to throw out. So I'm thinking about our last conversation where you said you got to pull back.

[00:18:57] And I remember you saying, you know, especially in the workplace, you can't tell all your business. Right. Right. And you got to have something else lined up if you do decide to make another career move. But how do you balance that? Because I'm like, the entrepreneur part of me love this. But the same woman knows you got to have some coin to get from point A to point B. Facts.

[00:19:28] Facts. Thank you, Lord. Yes, and favor. Favor. Ask for favor of God. And that is what I have started to do in this last year. You know, even though people can talk your head off about faith and all that good stuff, until God deposits it in you, you won't really know what people are really talking about. It's like you hear it, but you don't hear it.

[00:19:54] But when you start walking it, and recently I started walking it in 2025 coming into 2026. It's not about the house, the car, the bank account. It's about, Lord, let me have favor in the sight of man. So now I'm walking that. So sometimes you do need the coin, but it may not be your coin. It might be somebody else's coin. Right. We talked about kingdom currency, as my friend called it. And that's what I really experienced.

[00:20:22] Like you said, you could hear about it, but until you really experience it, you're not going to understand, you know, the magnitude of it. And you're not going to experience it until you surrender, right, to God, until you surrender all of, you know, the worries, the fears. Not to say that you are not going to have those. We're human. But trusting him.

[00:20:43] And so to your question about, you know, navigating the workplace and, you know, it sounds like when you said career and making sure before, you know, having something lined up, you want to make sure you have the coin and things like that. And then you talked about not sharing too much in the workplace.

[00:21:03] It kind of takes me back to where you mentioned that you share your age, you know, and you don't look like 55 girl, black don't crack. You look fabulous. But I get, and I get why, you know, you, you, you announce it, you know, and being 4'11", I'm a shorty too. Like, you know, I'm five, two, five, one and a half. So, you know, I get it.

[00:21:28] It's like, you know, it's sometimes people think we have, you know, a Napoleon complex, right? Because you tiny, but you mighty and you got a little bite. Well, I got, we got a big bite, right? And a big bite. And so you feel like you have to announce certain things in order to be seen in a certain way and to get that, that respect. And I understand that because I navigated that for years in the workplace as a young, you know, black female.

[00:21:56] And then when you think differently, you mentioned something else where it's like, you're, you're not of the world, right? You're, you're working in it, but you don't, you don't think like that. You don't have those same like characteristics. You don't see things the way the world sees it. I struggle with that too. And so it's hard when you are different in that regard because people don't understand you. And at times you feel like you have to prove yourself.

[00:22:22] And I think I talked a little bit about last time, my, my philosophy, my leadership philosophy that developed from that very same experience, presence over proof where you don't have to, you know, ask for permission to take up space, right? Where you are the authority. And so you don't have to seek approval because you are that authority.

[00:22:45] And so, you know, I would, I would say instead of feeling like we have to announce ourselves or prove something, right? Or like highlight our identity, a part of our identity or accomplishments or things like that in order to get the respect that we deserve. We, it starts internally and it starts with, with us, right? And it starts with being who we were called to be regardless.

[00:23:14] And so, yes, while that road is a little bit more lonely at times, it's a little bit more of an uphill battle. The more that you sit with yourself and with God, you know, and really learn who it is that he's calling you to be and listen for the direction that he's calling you to go in or listen for the things that he's calling you to say or the restraint that he's calling you to have.

[00:23:41] When, you know, last time I said, you know, I want to punch Susie Q in her throat. I, I still feel that way. Like, you know, I'm saying, okay. But at the same time, it does, it's not like I don't get the urge to want to pop off. Right. It's so, but we're not of the world. And I think it says it in again, I'm not as good with scripture, but I think it's in John 15. Yeah.

[00:24:06] Where it talks about, you know, you, you're not of the world. Of this world. Because the world hates me. But we're not of this world. Of the world. Right. And Jesus said, because the world hates me, the world hates you. And so sometimes we find ourselves coming up against a lot more opposition than a lot of other people because we're not, you know, compliant to the ways of this world. And that's what's probably happening with you in retail.

[00:24:35] Trust me, I worked in retail for 10 years. I understand. But with the people that you're encountering, you know, with, you know, being a podcaster and radio host and people not maybe totally understanding, you know, the premise or the message, it's not for them. It's not for them. And that's what I had to learn too. Everything that you do is not for everybody. I'm not for everybody. And that's okay. But I know who I am in Christ. And that also goes back to the framework I developed, the C3, clarity.

[00:25:05] So I get a sense, Victoria, that you know who you are. You know exactly who you are. You know who God's called you to be. You know what God has called you to do. So you got that piece down. And it sounds like you have the composure piece, right? When you go to the stock room or brick room and you repent and you have that restraint not to go off, you can feel the feelings. Everybody's entitled to feel their feelings. And there's nothing wrong with feeling the feelings.

[00:25:30] But you have enough emotional intelligence and enough of, you know, your spirituality in you to say, okay, not today, devil. Not today, Satan. You're not going to take me there. I got way too much to lose. And I know who God's called me to be. And then the last piece of the conviction, that's the last C.

[00:25:49] That's the hard, that's one of the hardest parts is to still stand in who you are and what you're called to do when there's everyone else around you is, you know, believing the opposite or giving you a hard time. I've been dealing with this a lot. Work. I'm dealing with this in certain relationships.

[00:26:07] And so, again, you know, my question, I guess, to you is, you know, you talked about a little bit about what grounds you, but what would things look like or, you know, how differently would it feel if you didn't have to announce your age or announce certain things about yourself in order to take up the space that God already created for you to take up? And I'll let that sink in for a second.

[00:26:37] Yeah, let it sink in. You know, the first thing that came to my mind frame when you said it was freedom. But I also, I'll go back to the part about fear, overcoming that fear, because I think a part of it with me, and I'll say me, is the height, the looks, not having to, you know, letting people know they're like, girl, I thought you were like in your 30s or your 40s. I certainly want to picture 55.

[00:27:06] And me being me, I was always taught respect everybody. No matter your age, no matter if you look like you're seasoned or not, we don't live in that type of world anymore. So announcing my age is a part of, I guess, me getting my respect, not only from my employee, but my customer as well.

[00:27:28] You know, I find myself telling them when I'm going to do something for them, I don't move as fast as I used to just so that they can get that hint that I may be right there with you in the age category, or you may be a few years younger than me. So give me some time to move or to assist you the way that I need to be assisted. But, you know, I hear freedom.

[00:27:56] When I hear I don't have to announce my age, I don't have to announce, you know, or be, I wouldn't say even picked on. I would say belittled because I am black, I am short, I am of an older stature. I just want to be able to have that one-on-one adult conversation with you the way that we're supposed to have it without you looking at me and putting your opinion on me.

[00:28:25] Me, like jump to the tune of your tune instead of just having that mutual respect. And also crossing over into entrepreneurship. Because those same two things keep you bound and trapped. People don't want to give you the opportunity because they look at you and all of them. Maybe she's not mature enough.

[00:28:46] But then when I open my mouth and I really start talking and walking and what God has given me, they kind of back up and I either scare them away because I am spiritual or they're drawn close to me. And on the entrepreneur side of it, sometimes it feels like they want to attach to yourself because they feel like God is taking me somewhere. And they want to be a part of that.

[00:29:09] And I want people that generally want to be a part of my circle because it's all for the kingdom. And if we get any benefits out of it, if God decides to sprinkle, as you could say, that kingdom currency our way, great. We benefit from that. That's the bonus of walking this wall, but also trying to be an entrepreneur, but also not trusting, being so trusting.

[00:29:37] So, you know, right now I'm caught in the middle. I know who I am and my father. I know who I am and myself. I know that there's some things that I still need to work out emotionally. But now I'm at the door of I know that God is pushing me to the next phase and I want to do my purpose over my fear.

[00:29:58] The fear of letting go of the job, the fear of walking completely into entrepreneurship and just doing my own thing. I'm not worried about money. It will come. If God opened that door, it will come. But doing all of those things, maintaining my freedom and not announcing myself.

[00:30:21] Now, the flip side of that coin is because I know there's some people in the audience that's going to say, if you're sure about yourself and you're the woman of God that he called you to be, then you should know that God is going to open that door and put the right people in front of you. Yes, he will. But there's sometimes there's still test, trial, tribulations that we have to overcome and they don't feel good. They don't look the same.

[00:30:50] God said, my thoughts are not your thoughts. I done been through 12 years in the wilderness and my thoughts was not his thoughts. And he still got me where he needed me to be and where I wanted to be. But I can't tell you a lot of that was fun. Right. Right. I was looking at it like this ain't God. God, where are you? Right. Right. We talked about that last time, too. Right. This last year and a half of my life. Same thing.

[00:31:18] Where it's just been like one thing after the other, one loss or one situation or one thing that you thought was like rejection. But ultimately, it ended up being divine redirection. Right. Or, you know, divine alignment. As I like to refer to it. And so, yeah, for the people listening. Yes. It's OK. Yes. Keep your faith. But you will be tested. And it's not easy. But the testing is not to break you. It's to build you. Right.

[00:31:47] And it's to create, you know, something new. Right. You creating me, you know, a clean heart. Right. Creating me, you know, something new so that God can use you. And so there are some things, and I think you mentioned it last conversation, Victoria, the pruning. Right. The pruning season where things have to fall away. Some people have to fall away. Some jobs have to fall away. And, you know, by you going through some of these hard times or these tests, there are some parts of your mindset that have to fall away. Right.

[00:32:17] In order for you to be elevated to that next level, you're going to have to think a little bit differently. Right. And so or respond to things differently. And so I think in this conversation, what we're talking about is more grounded in identity, in how we think about ourselves, in how we respond to opposition. Because I'm telling you, the higher you go and the higher God takes you, it's not going to get any easier.

[00:32:47] Right. You're going to have more opposition. Right. Somebody said greater levels, new doubles or whatever. Like, it's going to come. And so God is building you. It's like a strength training. It's like he's building those muscles so that you are going to be able to withstand any opposition that comes your way. Because, again, we're not of the world. And especially if you have different ideas in entrepreneurship and you have a business idea or things that, you know, are going to help other people.

[00:33:16] God gets the glory for that. Right. And you're helping to advance his kingdom. And so, of course, the enemy is going to be mad. And, you know, it's going to come through the form of haters, people trying to talk about you, people trying to put you down, people trying to, like, lie on you. Like, you know, if you read the Bible, there's stories that talk about all of that. Any of the greats made it. They had to go through a lot of those things. And so this is no different. It's a testing.

[00:33:43] And so, but just like, you know, the folks in the Bible, like, they couldn't control what other people were doing. And I think that's something that I think is important for us to think about. You know, we can't control that people are going to, you know, what people are going to think about us. Even if we, you know, announce our age or our credentials or whatever, people are going to think what they're going to think. We can't control that.

[00:34:08] But what we can control is what we think about ourselves and how we respond to those things. And so I guess I have another coaching question for you, Victoria. Before you ask that question, I will give you this. Everything that you said, check, check, and check.

[00:34:31] I'm standing at the door in my mind and in reality of God wants me to open this door. I know that God said do not fear. I know that he's with me. But I've also heard twice today. If it doesn't cause a little bit of fear, a little bit of anxiety, then you won't overcome what God wants you to do.

[00:34:59] So you have to walk into and embrace that fear. Whatever, whether it's getting up in front of an audience talking or just stepping out and taking your last couple hundred dollars and opening that business and not knowing if it's going to work in 30 days or not, I'm standing at that door of transition. I know it's transition. And I know God just wants to just, you know how you have somebody push you in the back

[00:35:28] and just be like, go. But we serve a God that's not going to do that. He'll give us, he'll let us keep walking into that same brick wall until we get the point or, thank you, Lord, the donkey and Balaam story. Kept trying to go, and he kept smacking the donkey. Why wouldn't you, why don't you want to go? And then the angel found to show up and said, look, if it wasn't for this donkey, I would have killed you a long time ago.

[00:35:57] But I'm at this door of, do I go through this door or do I go through that door? And I know that I have faith. But you're the strategist. You're the help me put it together from personal to the business side, to the entrepreneur side and let go some of this baggage. Let go some of the, I got to announce myself. Let go of some of the, you know, this is my age.

[00:36:25] You know, I think I'm kind of over the hump of not caring what people think, but we're still human. Whether we tell them that something's going to bother us or not, somewhere down, deep down in the crevices, it's going to bother us, it's going to resurface because that's how Satan plays. He makes a playground of the mind. How do I cross that path into the entrepreneurship and start moving forward? Because I'm right there.

[00:36:56] I'm dealing with the eternal. Thank you, Lord. I'm dealing with the eternal and the emotional part of it. I don't think it's finished. Like I said, I'm in my pruning stage. But also, I'm right there at the door of wanting to get that strategist, get someone like you in my life to help me build upon what God has given me and execute it. Yeah. So how do we get there? How do I get there?

[00:37:26] This is a therapy session, and I'm giving it to you guys live. Yes, yes. And I love the transparency. And I truly believe that, you know, God is using you to also help somebody else who's experiencing the exact same thing or similar situation. And so it sounds like you're asking, I'm just going to repeat back, you know, right now you're in, you know, the W2 world, retail,

[00:37:56] but you want to cross over into full entrepreneurship, and you're wondering how you get there. Yes. How do you go from that point to that point? And there are multiple layers and levels to this, right? There is the actual logistics, right? And we could talk about logistics and what that looks like and what you imagine that to be. Then there, but before there are the logistics,

[00:38:26] like before you can physically do, your mind has to be ready. You have to be mentally there. And then, so it sounds like there are things that, as you mentioned, there's fear at times. There is also, you know, having to deal with, you know, other people and, you know, having to basically prove yourself,

[00:38:56] even though you know who you are, still some of those actions show like, okay, I have to prove that I'm taking it in space. And a lot of, you know, women, particularly women of color, deal with that. So, you know, with me, Dr. T, and applying, you know, couture coaching and consulting and, you know, helping you, if you were a client, we would start with first having that initial discovery conversation.

[00:39:23] And so we talk about the things that, you know, are important to you and, you know, what your goals and aspirations are. And so, you know, you said you want to go into entrepreneurship. But then also there's not just, like I said, the logistical piece, there's also the mental piece, right? That piece of you, right? Because you have to be able to sustain it once you get there, right? You can't just, we can, anybody can start a business,

[00:39:51] but it's like, is this the right time? Is this the right business for you? Does it align with your talents? Does it align with your gifting? Does it align with what God is calling you to do? There are so many layers to unpack. And so it's not just a, you know, one and done type of situation. And it's not a one size fits all. That's why my business is called couture coaching and consulting. Again, that couture, that tailored piece, right? It's tailored specifically to you, Victoria.

[00:40:20] So, you know, I couldn't, it would take a while, right? Because we would have to sit down and talk through the things that are important to you, the things that you care about, some of the experiences that you have. And unpacking some of those, those beliefs that are, you know, contrary to who you actually are. We all have those, right? We might experience something in childhood,

[00:40:45] or we might have an experience in the workplace that has now created this belief that we've created to protect ourselves, but it's, it's a discouraging belief, right? And so now we have to unpack that discouraging belief in order for it not to be a blockade for us. Because there's clearly something standing in the way. It's not just, you know, I don't have X, Y, and Z in the physical.

[00:41:11] It's something that's standing in your way mentally that we have to talk through and unblock. And as a certified, a professional certified coach, you know, we would have sessions and we'd talk through some of those things that ask you questions. And then you'd start to, you know, reflect and think about things. Just like when I asked you about, you know, what would it mean if you didn't have to announce your age? First thing that came to your mind was freedom. Freedom. That's powerful. You want to be free.

[00:41:40] So now how do we get you to that place? So then we continue to unpack things so that we can block whatever's keeping you from, you know, the fear of being free to be able to do that. And then the logistical piece comes after that. So that's the coach approach that would be applied if you work with Dr. T. It's helping you on multiple levels. And of course, it's with a spiritual lens. That's what makes my coaching and consulting, you know, different from other, you know,

[00:42:08] businesses is that there's always a spiritual piece. Whatever your denomination is, I'm not judging. I'm not trying to push my, you know, belief on you, but it's all going to come from an underlying whoever you believe in some type of spirituality, because that is a part of what grounds us. It's not the only thing that grounds us, but it's a part of it. And when I asked you that question earlier, what grounds you? While for me, you know, it was prayer. Initially, there are other things you said repentance.

[00:42:36] But again, it came from talking to God and repenting, right? Again, it's that spirituality. So that's what makes my coach approach so effective and how I'm able to help people to get unstuck and to get to where it is that they're trying to be and accomplish their goals. It's by applying that very nuanced lens. And then, of course, it comes with a DEI lens, because I believe that people should be whoever they want to be. So I'm not judging you.

[00:43:05] Whoever you are, whatever you are, there's no judgment here. It's a judgment-free zone. So I always have that DEI lens on it as well, because we all are different and our differences should be respected. You and I just talked about how, you know, at times we're kind of perceived a little bit, you know, uneasily because of how different we are, you know, in our thinking and things like that. And like I said, that can be a lonely place being misunderstood.

[00:43:33] And so my experiences have informed how I support my clients as a coach and as a consultant. I love it. I love it. You see me over here smiling because I think we broke up some ground, our first initial conversation. That's why I wanted to have you back again, because I wanted the people to hear what exactly you do. And why not use myself? I'm human. I go through things.

[00:44:02] I feel things. There's some things that's swirling around in my head, and all of them may not be beneficial for me to do. I may be going down the wrong path or I may be going down the right path, but speaking to somebody that not only has the ability to help you with the strategy business-wise, but also has the coaching backing behind you to help you get through that emotional part. So this is what I wanted my listeners to hear.

[00:44:29] And we got a lot of personal details about you. And I think that you did share that with us. But I wanted them to hear about contour consulting because I knew you was going to bring it. I knew that it was going to be fire. But if you still have that question on the tip of your tongue, I will answer it. But I'm going to add another layer to it.

[00:44:56] I think for me, and I hate using the word fear. So I'm going to replace the word fear with stagnant. I'm being stagnant and disobedient to what God is calling me to do. I know that for a fact. And I think a part of that is based on two things that you did say. One, it was workplace trauma and hurt.

[00:45:22] And two was I've been an entrepreneur. I've had three to four different businesses that I jumped out there, done, and some of the product I'm still left over with. And I put 150% in it. But because I wasn't perceived, because I didn't have this. Thank you, Lord. I've got a bestie that she can sell ice cream to a frog if a frog could talk.

[00:45:52] Seriously. And she has multiple businesses. Now, when I look at it, bestie, don't get mad at me. When I look at it, I call it hustle. She can hustle anybody out of anything. She's got that gift of gab. And sometimes it's not in a positive way. You know how sometimes you have people that, I want what you got, so I'm going to get it by any means necessary.

[00:46:21] And that's not how I come across in business. And I think that keeps me with this shield or this wall up. Because I don't want to meet everybody. And I may not be for everybody. My product may not be for everybody. God has selected the few. I'm waiting for the few to come along. And he's back. Lord, I'm bringing them along slowly. They're coming. They're coming. But it is that fear. So you said you had a question for me.

[00:46:50] Does that tie into that? Or is that another layer? I didn't add it on Dr. T. No, it actually does tie into that. Because it sounds like, I was going to ask you, what do you feel is missing in order to move forward? And part of what you just said is now, what I do with the coach approaches I hear was said, but also was not said.

[00:47:19] And it sounds like you were saying, like, you know, your friend, they have that like hustler spirit. And so they could just talk and sell to everybody. And that's, that's not you. But so if that, that is not you. And because you are uniquely, right?

[00:47:44] Qualified for the particular business that God is calling you to have, then you're not going to be for everybody. And I think that's not just a note for you or for myself, but that's for anybody who's thinking of creating a business or who has a business. One of the biggest mistakes that a lot of entrepreneurs make is that they're trying to sell to everybody.

[00:48:12] That was my next question. And I made that mistake too. When I first, you know, started my business, I was like, yes, I'm going to coach everyone. Like everybody is, you know, and it's not my niche is particularly women of color, but I've coached younger white women. They're also, you know, another group that, that seems to gravitate, you know, towards my services. I'm not going to say no to them because again, I'm a DEI. I'm inclusive, but my niche audience,

[00:48:42] my niche customer is, particularly women of color, particularly in leadership leader. Not that doesn't necessarily mean you have to have a leadership title, but you could be a leader in your community leader, you know, however you, you lead. And when I started like closing, right. My, my, you know, marketing, right. Tightening it specifically towards that particular demographic, because I could speak to my experiences as a black woman leader,

[00:49:12] then they started to gravitate to me more. Cause before it was like, what, where are the customers at? I'm not making it like, what is going on? Like, and now that I have found my voice, I have clarity on who I am and, you know, who God has called me to be. And I've been able to articulate that into the marketplace. Now the right people are gravitating towards, towards me. Um, and so that, that's one tip that I have for, for listeners who are, you know,

[00:49:42] starting a business or, you know, early in business, you can't, it's not for everybody. You have to figure out what your niche, your niche is. I told you, spirituality. And I have the coach approach, but I also have the strategic approach as well. So I have emotional and strategy, but it all comes through a spiritual DEI lens. And so, um, that that's one thing I would say, but then the other thing I heard too,

[00:50:08] is when you were talking about your friend and your friends approach, um, it almost sounded like, uh, that was your lens of comparison of how, right. You do business. And that's why I wanted to ask you, like, what do you think is missing for you to move forward? Not necessarily how you've seen business done with anybody else or what, you know,

[00:50:37] the missing pieces for them or, you know, whatever. Um, but for you, what I heard about spirit, that I've been hearing that I have not said out loud was, I need to change my friend group.

[00:50:58] I need to change my circle and be in circles with more like-minded people because I grew up in this environment. And, you know, sometimes I heard a pastor say it best. Sometimes when you're in a marriage, all you have is all these years. Mm-hmm. And then you have people on the outside saying, hey, they've been married 20, 30 years, and they might get up and they may, they may tell a,

[00:51:26] tell a funny testimony at an anniversary, 35 year anniversary party. Let's just throw it out there. And you're looking at it through the lens of, I want that, but you don't know what they had to go through to get all those years. Or it could be the same couple that's just telling you one good experience and all they have is all those years. And sometimes I feel like, I don't want to let that friend circle go,

[00:51:55] but it'll be beneficial for me in the long run where God has taken me. Mm-hmm. And everybody can't go with you. So I struggle with that, which was one of the questions before we end. We got 15 minutes to get into. I let her Dr. T me, y'all. She's been Dr. T'd. Right.

[00:52:19] I've been Dr. T'd because I wanted them to hear exactly what you do and what the conversation is going to be like and what they could get from it. But also not just hear it. It was personal for me. And I wanted to ask you our first conversation, but we were getting to know who one another was. At the same token, you hit the nail on the head with a lot of what you said. My biggest problem was,

[00:52:46] I think I got it in my head a few years back when I lost my major job and I was done just like you were done. I didn't get my arm a day off. But I came off the weekend, came in that Monday and we were supposed to do something major with my stores. And my regional came in and was like, Victoria, come to the back. And they fired me. Glory be to God. I seen it.

[00:53:16] I kind of seen it coming. It was kind of like God prepared me for it, but he didn't prepare me for it. I just felt in my spirit that morning to get up, get extra pretty, dress, put on my power suit. And I was like, God, what am I doing with all this? And when I got there, I don't think I was there 15 minutes. And I think the kicker was this particular company and they're a large company, very well known. They use me.

[00:53:39] I turned multiple stores into multimillion dollar stores with my blood, sweat and tears. And for you to kick me in the teeth like that, it was like, okay, we used your expertise. Now we're done with you. We got it where you got them where they need to be. Now we want to bring in somebody younger and fresher. And it stuck with me. And I think the personal part of it that stuck with me, the deepest,

[00:54:08] my regional at that time used to be my DM from an old company that we worked 10 years together with. And we were tight and it blindsided me. And having this conversation with you now, the last question that you asked, and I said freedom, in all transparency, I think God is still freeing me from that. Because a part of me is scared that if I do partner with somebody, you know,

[00:54:37] if I do step out on faith and do this business and start bringing people into my world, something that I built, something that I put my blood, sweat and tears in, is it going to turn out in tragedy? And I'm going to feel like I'm kicked in the teeth again. The third layer of that is this is not my husband's world. And I want to be very, I want him to still have me when he needs me

[00:55:05] without contributing all my time and all my energy to this project and saying to him, like most people in couples do, we're going to benefit from it in the long run. Because I don't know if we're going to benefit in the long run. God may just be using me to elevate, let's say per se you. And I always say that when I first got saved, I said, you know, Lord, this platform that you gave me, I know it's not about me. I'm going to stay in the passenger seat and let you drive.

[00:55:33] Because he could be very well having me interview thousands of people just to get to that one person that he really wants to use. So sometimes we can't think so highly of ourselves because again, God's thoughts are not our thoughts. Now, if I can get the bonuses along the way, great. But carrying that equal medium. So I think I'm still caring a little bit of what happened in the past

[00:56:03] and God rest her soul, she passed away a few years back. And she did come and tell me, beg me pardon, but it hit me in my gut. Because of the relationship and all the work that I put in. And then my failed businesses and then wanting to be fair to the hubby. So that's a lot of what you hear me saying, where I'm stagnant and disobedient. But I did hear someone say, and it was Dr. Sarah Jake Roberts yesterday,

[00:56:31] she was having a podcast with Jaqueline Carr, and they were talking about trust and trusted employees and all that stuff. And she said, you know, it's hard, especially when God starts to elevate you. But the hardest thing is not walking through that door that God wants you to walk through. So which one are you going to pick? Are you going to walk through that door? Because God wants you to walk through it and know that once you walk through it, his will will be done. And the people, he'll bring the people.

[00:57:04] Or holding on to that baggage. So I guess the reality with my faith, and I love the fact that your company is spiritual. I love the fact that you do do the coaching, but also you got that business savvy about you. So when I come to you as a client, and other people come to you as a client, this is the conversations. I guess I'm saying, is this the conversations that they'll be having before we can get to the root and grow?

[00:57:33] We get to the root and then we grow out with that. Absolutely. And you hit the nail on the head. We got to talk about the emotional piece, right? Because you can have all of the things. God could elevate you tomorrow. But if you still have that mindset, right? From that workplace trauma, which again, we all experience, you know, at some point, it's normal. But it's like, how do we work towards that healing?

[00:58:00] And that's also part of the home of the heart framework too, right? And so I would apply the frameworks as well, is the healing piece. And so, you know, when you think about the, the healing piece, it's like the H stands for being able to heal from, you know, some of the things you experienced, the E, because it spells out heart, H E.

[00:58:29] So then E is evaluating. You're evaluating, you know, those relationships, you're evaluating, you know, is this the right, you know, the right person that should be, you know, in the foyer or the living room, or should they be, you know, just outside as an acquaintance in the mailbox. You're evaluating aligned relationships. When you talked about partnering, right? You'll, you'll know, you'll have a discernment. You'll have, you know, God will tell you if something doesn't feel right,

[00:58:58] he'll tell you this, this relationship is not aligned and they'll give you kind of hints. You can see in people's characteristics. If someone is, you know, can sell water to a well and they don't care about if this person really needs this or, you know, are they just taking advantage of the, you know, the person because they can, they have to get the gap. Then that's not an aligned partnership, right? That's not an aligned relationship. You want to have, you'll see the signs, the hints, and you have to, you have to pay attention to those things. The R is refinement.

[00:59:28] So as you go through this healing process and you're evaluating, right? You're looking at, to see clues for if relation relationships are aligned. Now that's refining you. That's refining your heart. That's refining your mind. That's refining your spirit. And so now it it's hard at first because you have to be super intentional, right? And so you are going to have to, you, you're going to find yourself asking this question a lot. Like, okay, is this aligned? Is this person's values aligned with mine? Is this the right business partnership? But as you start to refine,

[00:59:58] then you start to, to get a sense of who's aligned. And it doesn't, and it's not as difficult, right? It's not as laboring. Like you start to get accustomed to it. Like anything, like when you're learning to ride a bike or tie your shoe or learn a new skill, it's something that you have to practice. And then finally the T in the heart is transformation. So now you're being transformed. And we talked about that earlier, right? You know, God transforms us by the renewing of our mind. Right.

[01:00:27] And so that's the biggest piece is the mindset, which is why it's important to, you know, not just focus on the strategy and the logistics, but also on that mindset piece. So that's what you're going to get. And that's part of the home of the heart framework. We did that. We didn't talk about is, is how you spell out heart and what that means in terms of, you know, that, that discernment aligned discernment. Thank you, Dr. T. I, you know, I love it. I was able to pour out my heart to you and I was able to get exactly

[01:00:57] what I knew you would bring. And that was clarity to some of the things I'm going through. And, you know, even though the heart is not swept completely, you know, what I hear you saying to me, if we do the work, we've got to get rid of that root first before we can start building on a business. And you have to do the internal work first, get rid of some of that baggage that you're carrying. Cause that is what's causing the fear.

[01:01:24] There's nothing wrong with being able to be being, being afraid. Thank you, Lord help me with my words. There is nothing wrong with being afraid. God did say, do not fear. So some, I don't like to speak in front of a large audience. I will, but it's not my forte, but as long as I know he's with me, but sometimes I got to get out of my own head. And that's the baggage. It's the, what if this happens? Because this happened.

[01:01:53] So I hear you saying, let's work on the root. That is what my business is about. Then we can get to the strategy of you becoming that entrepreneur or being able to strategize a little bit better or either, you know, just even partner with your coworkers. You may not be in a managerial position, whether it's retail or any other company, but how do you coexist with your coworkers? Because you got to see them every day. Yeah.

[01:02:23] Yeah. How do you deal with that irate boss that wears his title on his sleeves? Or her? Yep. Yep. I thank you for this conversation. I know we're going to have more amazing conversations to come. As you, Dr. T me, and I can't wait for your show to come and air. I definitely will be tuning in and I will come over and let you Dr. T me on your show. Yes, absolutely.

[01:02:52] I would love, you know, to like sometime. Well, when I have my show, on a different platform, I would have asked Dr. T. And so I would allow, you know, folks to ask a coaching question and we kind of just talk through it in real time. And so I thank you today for your transparency and us being able to talk through some of the things. I hope that it was helpful. I know, you know, it's not a full session. So, you know,

[01:03:20] when we do connect and we have a full session, you know, I feel that, you're going to be able to unlock a lot of amazing things that you're being called to do. And so I do hope that this, this was helpful to you, even though it was like a real abbreviated, you know, Dr. T coaching experience. But, but I do thank you so much for you, for your transparency. It was, it was.

[01:03:48] And I didn't know how to articulate it before when I said, well, let's do a part two. I knew this is what I wanted. The setting, still the girlfriend experience. Yep. But I also wanted to bring some of my personal into it. Sometimes we can look so polished and so professional and in the world of social media and all these platforms, all you got to do is pick with the phone. You got a camera, you got a mic. You can make everything look so beautiful, but really is broken.

[01:04:18] So how do we fix the broken to match the outside? And that's the work that I'm doing in this season of my life. And this, it just did not begin. And I want my audience to hear this. It just didn't begin. It began seven years ago. When I turned on this mic to start podcasting, and I didn't know that God was going to have me spill my guts. It was almost like your mama say, what go on in the house, stay in the house, don't with your right hand. And I was like, mama,

[01:04:47] here I am doing what you told me not to do. But the more I fellowship with people, the more I hear people, it doesn't matter what color, doesn't matter what age. Yeah. That right there. That's what I was feeling. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right there. Miss Victoria, I may not be where you at with your God thing, but you was right. So it fulfills you. So yes, you did. You helped me grow a little bit. You helped me compartmentalize,

[01:05:16] put something over here on the left, something over here on the right, and say, yes, I need Dr. T outside. I got you, girl. Well, guys, you heard it right here on Beyond 12th Street, right here on Star 107. Dr. T, give us some more advice before you leave. Give us a positive word of wisdom before we go today. Well, I'm going to leave y'all again with presence over proof,

[01:05:43] because I think that's the biggest through line here for not just you and myself, but I think for everybody, that's what it, what it starts with being able to give yourself, you know, permission to take up space and know that you don't need anybody else's approval to walk in your authority. And so that, that is where I will leave it. If you want more guidance or want to figure out how to partner with me, or, you know, let me help you support you on your journey.

[01:06:12] You can go to drtamikashood.com and set up an initial consultation. You could also follow me on socials. Dr. Dr. Tamika S. Hood on LinkedIn, Facebook, the tour, underscore, underscore coaching on Instagram and Tik TOK. And, you know, I look forward to more conversations with my soul sister, Victoria J. And I look forward to hopefully partnering with you. If you want support on, on your,

[01:06:40] your professional or personal journey. Yes, yes, yes. And yes, we going to give it three yeses. And also follow her right here on star 107 FM. If you don't know, follow us to star 107 FM on all your social media platforms. Follow everybody that is a part of this big, wonderful family. Tamika, the one thing that I did want to say to you about joining this family, this was something that I was sure of.

[01:07:09] God did put it in my spirit and I know that he does not do anything that's going to cause me any harm. It did break me out of my shell. It gave me a boldness that was unrecognizable. And it gave me some brothers and some sisters in a long time friendship. And I look forward to partnering with you. With that being said, guys, you know, stay safe. Take care of yourselves and each other as my signature leave.

[01:07:38] Guys, we are out.